Tag Archives: women

The ABC’s of A New Year

1 Jan

Happy New Year’s to you all!!!!  new yearThe image is a generic list of words for anyone for the new year.   How about we personalize it?  Think of the new year and list as many words as you can that describe your thoughts, hopes, dreams, and goals for the new year.  You can leave any letter blank that you can’t come up with something for and fill it in as the year progresses.  Try it and let me know what you come up with.  Here’s mine:

Alertness

Budgeting

Creativity

Determination

Effectiveness/Efficiency

Focus

Good health

Habits

I

J

K

Language

M

Niche

O

P

Q

Restaurant

Sophistication

Time management

U

V

World-renowned

X

Y

Zeal

Ok this is all I have so far.

Additionally,  a wonderful fellow blogger stopped by and showed me some love but also posed a great question:

I love this post. I am still trying to get over a 5 year on and off relationship and I can say it is one of the most challenging things to do. I just read this post now and it really hit home with me. The guy I was seeing is now in a happy relationship and at first I hated him for it, I wanted him to be miserable with me. But then I took a step back and saw that I too can be that happy. It won’t be with him, but it will be with someone else.I have to ask you though, how were you able to disconnect yourself completely from him? I still every now and then “check up” on my ex (facebook, etc.) and I still can feel myself deep down missing him. Heartbreak sucks right?

So I figured I would devote an entire post to answering this question because, it’s worth that if not more.  I may revisit it at a later date and post because there is so much richness in this but I will just focus on the question asked.  And while I do not have all the answers, here goes nothing…

They say that misery loves company but in reality, misery loves miserable company.  I know that feeling all too well.  These are some of the steps I took to disconnect, in no particular order (ok maybe there is an order after all lol).

DISCONNECTING FROM YOUR EX IN 10 EASY STEPS*:

  1. THERAPY.
  2. THERAPY.                                                                                                                                                                                              No, all jokes aside.  Consult a professional if you need to.  Your friends and family may get tired of hearing about this and face it, 5 years of on and off again you have a lot of unpacking to do.  Why not pay a professional to hear you out and help you identify some patterns and set some goals with you.  It helps big time!!!
  3. I changed my number.  This denied him access to me whenever he felt he may have wanted to say hi and prohibited me from contacting him because that would defeat the purpose of me paying a fee to change my number. 🙂
  4. I deactivated my Facebook account.  No lie.  I couldn’t control myself either. But each time I “checked up” on him I was only hurting myself because I was seeing images of him and his wife and I had to ask myself why am I even doing this to myself!!
  5. I threw away everything that reminded me of him.  Old tee-shirts he gave me, his old boxers I used to wear… you get the drift, closed our joint bank account.
  6. I found some pride and ego within me. I told myself that I don’t want him to get the satisfaction of knowing that I still loved him and wanted him and still thought about him.  WHAT GOOD WOULD IT DO??? HE’S A MARRIED MAN!!  This really helped me disconnect.  I wanted to prove to myself and to him that my life could be so much better without him.
  7. Gave myself permission to move on and be happy.  I think a lot of time we tell ourselves by holding on we are showing how much we love that person and how much they meant to us but love for yourself is revealed in letting go, because you can’t move on until you let go.  I told myself it would be pathetic of me to waste any mental and emotional energy on a man who had obviously moved on with his life. I took a lesson from him.  He moved on (and quickly at that without considering me or how I felt) and why should he, he has to do what is best for him and his life.  I also have that right and responsibility.
  8. I asked myself some tough questions. Is it really HIM you miss, or do you miss the company and the perks of a romantic RELATIONSHIP?
  9. I focused on the reality of the situation.  I reminded myself of all the reasons our relationship didn’t work.  And the fact that he was MARRIED.  There is no turning back.  What good would me focusing any attention on him do?  We had our shot at an “us” and we blew it.  If it mattered and was successful and met both of our needs the way it was supposed to, we would have still been together.  The fact that we aren’t and it didn’t speaks volumes.
  10. Find an activity partner.                                                                                                                                                        Seriously, find a member of the opposite sex that you can befriend.  Someone who you are not attracted so you don’t end up in a rebound situation and sleeping with someone to fill some type of void.  But someone whose company you enjoy and can do things with you, who you enjoy being around, makes you laugh and who enjoys your company as well.  This really helps big time.  It helps you relate to a male in a non romantic way and gives you a buddy you can talk to and it doesn’t even have to be anything heavy.  You don’t have to tell him all your business either.
  11. And since therapy was listed twice.  Here is the 10th one.  Distraction  (blogging, exercising, belly dancing classes, work, etc.).  You need some activities to do to break up that thinking about your ex.  And begin creating a life for yourself that you look forward to and enjoy!

*What made this process a little easier for me is that my ex lived in another state so there was not this possibility of running into him anywhere thankfully.  But if you do share a state of residence, you may want to avoid places you know he frequents at least for a couple of months so you can build your emotional muscle.

Remember it is a process!!!!!!!!!  Progress is very rarely a linear process.  You have ups and you have downs but each down leaves you a little higher up than where you started.  Heart-break is what you make it!  It is a journey and hopefully one that leaves to a renewed sense of who you are, what you want in a relationship, what you deserve,what you have to offer and what areas you can improve about yourself.

Hope this helps!  If it doesn’t let me know.  😉

#25: Block His Number…

30 Dec

… or change yours.  And maybe just maybe, this should be the last cowardly act you commit before you decide to grow a pair and tellblock this person the truth, which can be any of the following:

  1. Maybe you really don’t want to be with him and you are hoping he will break it off instead of you, so you are doing these things to drive him to that point (you are on the right track to accomplish that)
  2. You are pushing him away because you have some twisted idea and concept that by in so doing, it will cause him to chase even harder after you (not bright)
  3. It’s obvi that you are unhappy about SOMETHING and just don’t know how to express that, so you passively aggressively do things in the hopes that he will understand the feelings behind your actions… (not happening, he’s not physic or your therapist for that matter), so you are doing things that communicate that you are UNHAPPY WITH THE RELATIONSHIP ALTOGETHER (you are destroying your relationship)
  4. You really do want this relationship but you don’t know how… to do it successfully (in that case you probably should not be in a relationship until you learn how).

WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH WHEN YOU PULL THIS MOVE:

  1. Testing him to see how long it takes him to realize you did this?
  2. Testing him to see if he will exhaust all other avenues to contact you (email, FB, Twitter. show up at your door step, etc…)
  3. Prove… something?
  4. Making your relationship… stronger somehow?
  5. Limiting his freedom to access you when he wants to, causing him to realize how much he needs and wants you in his life?

WHAT YOU ACTUALLY END UP DOING WHEN YOU PULL THIS MOVE:

  1. Wasting time doing research on how to block someone’s number or change yours
  2. Wasting money on the whole process it takes to do either one of these
  3. Communicating to him that you no longer want to communicate with him whether or not that is the case!
  4. Embarrassing yourself, if in the end, you just give him the new number or unblock his number
  5. He realizes how much more peaceful his life is, not communicating with you

And there you have it folks.  If you want to appear indecisive, not interested and ready to move on, then blocking his number or changing yours is the route to take.  But don’t make that turn if you plan on reversing.  That’s how accidents of relationships happen.

#24: Make Him Your World

29 Dec
ariel

Part of his wooooooorrrrrrrrlllllllddddd

Ladies and gentlemen, for this post let us briefly turn to Walt Disney and the classic Little Mermaid for this lesson in love.  What do we learn:

  • Obsess over how you can become something other than what you are (Ariel longing desperately to be human)
  • Obsess over how you can make yourself apart of someone else’s world and life
  • Do whatever you need to do to make that happen
  • This includes ignoring the warnings of close friends and family
  • Give up any and everything to fit into his world (lose bras, I mean fins, voice, etc just for a pair of “legs” for a man)
  • Turn your back on family and whoever else does not support your decision to make this man your world
  • No seagull, fish and lobster are going to come to your rescue when the man you lost and gave up everything for is mesmerized by some other woman who can do what you can’t…. take that to mean whatever you want but if we’re talking about Ariel it was sing…  These days it’s… well you get the picture.
  • And when you get yourself into trouble, go right back to those very people and depend on them to bail you out of trouble
  • Things in real life don’t ever end “happily ever after”.

So there you have it folks, making him your world & making yourself apart of his world 101 from The Little Mermaid.  Bound!! [Kayne West style].

Making a man your world, your everything is one of the fastest ways to an enduring, fulfilling relationship; especially at it’s inception.  That’s when we are the most inclined to do this because it’s fresh and we want it to last and this is the best way to do that.

Find a way to trade in everything that makes you you and distinguishes you and your interests and values from his.  You want to blur the lines between his world and life and yours.

You can accomplish this in four easy steps:

1.  Make yourself available 100% of the time.  Don’t make plans with any one else.  In fact cancel all plans and arrangements you made months earlier.  You need to be at his beck and call.

2.  Get rid of all of your friends.  Yup, just stop calling them, stop spending time with them.  Say no when they invite you places.  You want to free up all your mental energy and time with thoughts of him and him, only.  Social life?  Who needs that when you have a man!  Hello!

3.  Make sure everything revolves around him:  your hair appointments, dentist visits, laundry.  Do these essential things only when you know:

  • a) he will be at work
  • b) he made other plans with the friends he didn’t get rid of for you
  • c) he is sick and can’t spend time with you
  • d) he is pretending to be sick so that he doesn’t have to spend time with you.

4.  Final step:  expect him to make him your world too and then argue with him when he refuses.  Why should he be allowed to refuse to give up his martial arts training.  The nerve of him to try to derive some similitude of happiness, joy and recreation outside of being with and spending time with you!

Making him your world is THE SINGLE MOST romantic, sexy, endearing, non-desperate, non-thirsty, non-smoothering thing you can do for you, your man, and the future of your relationship.

#23: Be a Drama Queen

19 Oct

And by drama queen I mean, one who:drama

  • Makes a big deal out of every little thing
  • Is governed and ruled by her emotions
  • Has to be the center of attention
  • Is spoiled and has to have her way… or else
  • Has a problem with every thing and every one
  • Is or thinks one should be “turnt up” on a regular basis

These all the top qualities that a man looks for in a woman by the way.  These attributes make a women attractive, admirable, and wanted!!!

What more would a man want to do than to spend the rest of his life with a woman who has consistently proven that mountains must be made out of every molehill or else the world is just flat!

Men will gladly sign up for the headaches, high blood pressure, extreme highs and lows and the sheer fatigue that comes along with a woman who is  just dramatic to the bone.

Another mark of a drama queen is that she is usually highly involved in other people’s business and has lots of opinions about them and always thinks everyone is in her business.   Oh yes, I forgot to mention being consumed with other people’s lives and obsessed with image and the opinions of others is the route everyone takes who wants to have success in love and relationships.

And people say drama queen is a term used to glamorize and sugar coat someone who is emotionally immature, potentially unstable and who lacks discipline.

Pfffffft.  They better not be talking about me either because if they are, there is going to be a problem!!!!  Like, who are “they” anyway.   “They” need to mind their business.

#22: Be Jealous

3 Oct

Of every woman on the face of the earth.

The ones he works with.jealousy

The ones that walk by you two as you are out and about.

The ones that have been his friends for years.

The ones in movies and his favorite TV shows.

The ones he doesn’t even notice, but will once you point them out and start an argument with him about how he was starring at her.

If she is a female, you should assume he may at some point take some type of interest in her.

If you didn’t know, jealousy is one of the most attractive qualities a woman can exhibit.

And what’s even more attractive is if you express these jealous thoughts and feelings regularly.

Question him about all of your suspicions.  And do this daily.  Hourly would be ideal though.

Accuse him of looking at other women, of fantasizing about other women, and checking them out on social media websites,

Put restrictions on who he can talk to and who he can’t.

Who he can talk to = only men.

Who he can’t talk to = every woman.

When he scans the room to make sure everything is okay and that you guys are safe, accuse him of looking at and checking other women out.

When he turns his head as you walk down the street to make sure you guys are not about to get hit by a car, smack him up side the head for eye-ing another woman.

Turn every wonderful outing you have into a nightmare because the only place you expect his eyes to be, no matter what you do, is to be glued to you and only you.

This is realistic and completely understandable.

Disregard the fact that men are visual creatures by nature and CAN’T HELP but see attractive women as they wonder through life.  But instead, assume that he thinks every attractive woman he sees is more beautiful than you and that every woman that crosses his path (attractive or not) makes him stop loving you and makes him want to leave you (for them).

Happy successful relationship.

Here. You. Come.

#21: Get Advice From the Wrong People

15 Sep
trust me

I do everything listed in How To Ruin a Relationship!!!

There’s no such thing as the wrong people to get advice from.  Especially when it comes to relationships.  Every one is a pro.  And since that is the case, do not be intentional about who you seek out relationship advice from.  Anyone will do.  Disregard expressions such as:  if you want what they have, do what they do.  Don’t bother to seek out people who have had success in love and relationships to ask advice of.  Who cares about their “love track record”.  Instead consider these prerequisites before proceeding to get love lessons from someone.

Checklist of qualities you should look for in people you actively seek out relationship advice from:

  • People who are single and haven’t had a relationship in a long time
  • People who hate/distrust men
  • People who subscribe to the theory that all men are the same or better yet all men are dogs
  • People who are miserable and view the glass as half empty with a broken glass that’s leaking
  • People who are jaded and don’t believe in love
  • People who have lost faith in relationships
  • People who tell you what you should do (yet they themselves don’t do it)
  • People who are secretly hating on you because you are boo-ed up and they aren’t so that all the relationship advice they give you begins and ends with:  you need to leave him girl
  • Those people who are miserable and single and want miserable, single company
  • People who do not challenge you
  • People who always take your side (even when you are wrong)

Ideally you want to keep all things relationship between the two people involved in the relationship, however, things do come up that you may need advice about.  And when that does occur continue to get advice from people whom you have listened to before and didn’t get positive results from.  The above list is the way to go.  Any one even remotely alluding to compromising, giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, or that you could stand to make some changes about your approach, should be avoided at all costs.

#20: Cry

28 Aug
cry

Go on and cry him a river girl (thanks Justin)

All the time.

For everything.

Any where.  Anytime.  In front of any and everyone.

Do this instead of talking.

In fact, don’t even tell him why you’re crying.

Just sob.

If he says he doesn’t like how your food came out, just start crying.

If you feel he doesn’t spend enough time with you, cry.

When you don’t know what else to do…

When you don’t know what else to say…

When all else fails… just cry.

Make sure it is a real ugly looking cry too, don’t try to be cute with it than it will look too staged.

If you want attention.  You want him to put his arm around you and ask you what’s wrong.

Just start boo-hooing.

And then when he asks you what’s wrong, just tell him the truth and say “Oh it’s nothing”.

He’ll think you are withholding something and keep asking you when really, nothing is wrong.

Want to stop or win an argument?  Start crying.

Crying will allow you do:

  1. Distract from a real issue or
  2. Manipulate him into doing what you want

Release the water works.

He will never get sick of this or frustrated in the least bit.

He will think your cry baby tendencies are endearing and just want to be around you more and more.

Because this is what mature, grown women do!

And we understand that mature grown men expect this of their women and don’t know how else to respond to a woman crying but than to just give in to what she wants to make the crying stop.  Mission accomplished:  getting your way!!!

**Applause**

**Standing O**

And when that happens just go on and take your bow.

And people thought excessive crying was just a sign of immaturity or emotionally instability… pffffftttt.