Tag Archives: relationships

#25: Block His Number…

30 Dec

… or change yours.  And maybe just maybe, this should be the last cowardly act you commit before you decide to grow a pair and tellblock this person the truth, which can be any of the following:

  1. Maybe you really don’t want to be with him and you are hoping he will break it off instead of you, so you are doing these things to drive him to that point (you are on the right track to accomplish that)
  2. You are pushing him away because you have some twisted idea and concept that by in so doing, it will cause him to chase even harder after you (not bright)
  3. It’s obvi that you are unhappy about SOMETHING and just don’t know how to express that, so you passively aggressively do things in the hopes that he will understand the feelings behind your actions… (not happening, he’s not physic or your therapist for that matter), so you are doing things that communicate that you are UNHAPPY WITH THE RELATIONSHIP ALTOGETHER (you are destroying your relationship)
  4. You really do want this relationship but you don’t know how… to do it successfully (in that case you probably should not be in a relationship until you learn how).

WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH WHEN YOU PULL THIS MOVE:

  1. Testing him to see how long it takes him to realize you did this?
  2. Testing him to see if he will exhaust all other avenues to contact you (email, FB, Twitter. show up at your door step, etc…)
  3. Prove… something?
  4. Making your relationship… stronger somehow?
  5. Limiting his freedom to access you when he wants to, causing him to realize how much he needs and wants you in his life?

WHAT YOU ACTUALLY END UP DOING WHEN YOU PULL THIS MOVE:

  1. Wasting time doing research on how to block someone’s number or change yours
  2. Wasting money on the whole process it takes to do either one of these
  3. Communicating to him that you no longer want to communicate with him whether or not that is the case!
  4. Embarrassing yourself, if in the end, you just give him the new number or unblock his number
  5. He realizes how much more peaceful his life is, not communicating with you

And there you have it folks.  If you want to appear indecisive, not interested and ready to move on, then blocking his number or changing yours is the route to take.  But don’t make that turn if you plan on reversing.  That’s how accidents of relationships happen.

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#24: Make Him Your World

29 Dec
ariel

Part of his wooooooorrrrrrrrlllllllddddd

Ladies and gentlemen, for this post let us briefly turn to Walt Disney and the classic Little Mermaid for this lesson in love.  What do we learn:

  • Obsess over how you can become something other than what you are (Ariel longing desperately to be human)
  • Obsess over how you can make yourself apart of someone else’s world and life
  • Do whatever you need to do to make that happen
  • This includes ignoring the warnings of close friends and family
  • Give up any and everything to fit into his world (lose bras, I mean fins, voice, etc just for a pair of “legs” for a man)
  • Turn your back on family and whoever else does not support your decision to make this man your world
  • No seagull, fish and lobster are going to come to your rescue when the man you lost and gave up everything for is mesmerized by some other woman who can do what you can’t…. take that to mean whatever you want but if we’re talking about Ariel it was sing…  These days it’s… well you get the picture.
  • And when you get yourself into trouble, go right back to those very people and depend on them to bail you out of trouble
  • Things in real life don’t ever end “happily ever after”.

So there you have it folks, making him your world & making yourself apart of his world 101 from The Little Mermaid.  Bound!! [Kayne West style].

Making a man your world, your everything is one of the fastest ways to an enduring, fulfilling relationship; especially at it’s inception.  That’s when we are the most inclined to do this because it’s fresh and we want it to last and this is the best way to do that.

Find a way to trade in everything that makes you you and distinguishes you and your interests and values from his.  You want to blur the lines between his world and life and yours.

You can accomplish this in four easy steps:

1.  Make yourself available 100% of the time.  Don’t make plans with any one else.  In fact cancel all plans and arrangements you made months earlier.  You need to be at his beck and call.

2.  Get rid of all of your friends.  Yup, just stop calling them, stop spending time with them.  Say no when they invite you places.  You want to free up all your mental energy and time with thoughts of him and him, only.  Social life?  Who needs that when you have a man!  Hello!

3.  Make sure everything revolves around him:  your hair appointments, dentist visits, laundry.  Do these essential things only when you know:

  • a) he will be at work
  • b) he made other plans with the friends he didn’t get rid of for you
  • c) he is sick and can’t spend time with you
  • d) he is pretending to be sick so that he doesn’t have to spend time with you.

4.  Final step:  expect him to make him your world too and then argue with him when he refuses.  Why should he be allowed to refuse to give up his martial arts training.  The nerve of him to try to derive some similitude of happiness, joy and recreation outside of being with and spending time with you!

Making him your world is THE SINGLE MOST romantic, sexy, endearing, non-desperate, non-thirsty, non-smoothering thing you can do for you, your man, and the future of your relationship.

#23: Be a Drama Queen

19 Oct

And by drama queen I mean, one who:drama

  • Makes a big deal out of every little thing
  • Is governed and ruled by her emotions
  • Has to be the center of attention
  • Is spoiled and has to have her way… or else
  • Has a problem with every thing and every one
  • Is or thinks one should be “turnt up” on a regular basis

These all the top qualities that a man looks for in a woman by the way.  These attributes make a women attractive, admirable, and wanted!!!

What more would a man want to do than to spend the rest of his life with a woman who has consistently proven that mountains must be made out of every molehill or else the world is just flat!

Men will gladly sign up for the headaches, high blood pressure, extreme highs and lows and the sheer fatigue that comes along with a woman who is  just dramatic to the bone.

Another mark of a drama queen is that she is usually highly involved in other people’s business and has lots of opinions about them and always thinks everyone is in her business.   Oh yes, I forgot to mention being consumed with other people’s lives and obsessed with image and the opinions of others is the route everyone takes who wants to have success in love and relationships.

And people say drama queen is a term used to glamorize and sugar coat someone who is emotionally immature, potentially unstable and who lacks discipline.

Pfffffft.  They better not be talking about me either because if they are, there is going to be a problem!!!!  Like, who are “they” anyway.   “They” need to mind their business.

#22: Be Jealous

3 Oct

Of every woman on the face of the earth.

The ones he works with.jealousy

The ones that walk by you two as you are out and about.

The ones that have been his friends for years.

The ones in movies and his favorite TV shows.

The ones he doesn’t even notice, but will once you point them out and start an argument with him about how he was starring at her.

If she is a female, you should assume he may at some point take some type of interest in her.

If you didn’t know, jealousy is one of the most attractive qualities a woman can exhibit.

And what’s even more attractive is if you express these jealous thoughts and feelings regularly.

Question him about all of your suspicions.  And do this daily.  Hourly would be ideal though.

Accuse him of looking at other women, of fantasizing about other women, and checking them out on social media websites,

Put restrictions on who he can talk to and who he can’t.

Who he can talk to = only men.

Who he can’t talk to = every woman.

When he scans the room to make sure everything is okay and that you guys are safe, accuse him of looking at and checking other women out.

When he turns his head as you walk down the street to make sure you guys are not about to get hit by a car, smack him up side the head for eye-ing another woman.

Turn every wonderful outing you have into a nightmare because the only place you expect his eyes to be, no matter what you do, is to be glued to you and only you.

This is realistic and completely understandable.

Disregard the fact that men are visual creatures by nature and CAN’T HELP but see attractive women as they wonder through life.  But instead, assume that he thinks every attractive woman he sees is more beautiful than you and that every woman that crosses his path (attractive or not) makes him stop loving you and makes him want to leave you (for them).

Happy successful relationship.

Here. You. Come.

Blog Identify Crisis

17 Sep

As you all know, this blog was started as a result of… well you can read about it here.imagesCAJZPNE0

With me starting to work again at the top of the month, in addition to taking some Master’s classes, let’s just say the frequency with which I can post has, well, declined significantly.

I truly miss you all.

And as if that were not enough to complicate this blogging thing, my perspectives, focus, and considerations have changed considerably.  Which I am ecstatic, grateful and overjoyed about.

I honestly didn’t think I could be happy without my ex and that I would never love again.  I thought I couldn’t find happiness knowing he had moved on, and so suddenly at that.   I remember contacting him after finding out he had got married to congratulate him (oh I forgot to post that post huh?  my bad :-D).  He responded by telling me he hoped I was happy.  I remember wondering, how can I be happy when you just got married?  But I can say that at this point in my life his dealings are no longer a consideration of mine.  I really don’t even want to be identified with any thing him related nor do I want to talk about or even reference him.  There is ZERO animosity, hatred, bitterness, etc.  I just understand that I still have so much life left to live and that a life without him can also equal a life that was even better than the life I had when I was with him.  I don’t spend too much time looking back anymore and the sadness that used to consume me when I did, no longer does.

While I started this blog under the premise that I was mostly responsible for the “failure” of my last relationship, I was intent on correcting all my wrongs, in the hopes that… what?  I wouldn’t make the same mistakes again?  And there is merit to that.  I am a whole lot more cautious about how I approach relationships.  I understand that it all starts in your head- how you think about relationships and yourself.  I don’t see things falling apart as SOLELY my fault now.  Just something that happens when you are with someone you shouldn’t be with.  Things fall apart when they aren’t strong enough to last.  Things break so you can buy new things.  Even better things.  Relationships are no different.

Yet now I’m confused.

While I still have loads of content to contribute to the theme of the blog (more content than I have time to get to now), I would prefer to write about other things.  Still relationship related.  Just not “my ex” related.  Taking the advice of Oldmoaner52 (which you can read here) and writing to a more hopeful future, one that is filled with happiness (whether I’m in a relationship or not) and then also charting any new developments for me in this area of love.  <— Never thought I’d say that!!! Oh my!!!

Where do broken hearts go?  They are restored.  They heal.  They are rejuvenated.  They learn to love again.

Healing from a broken heart is a real place.  It is attainable.  And it is a wonderful feeling!

Stay tuned.

#21: Get Advice From the Wrong People

15 Sep
trust me

I do everything listed in How To Ruin a Relationship!!!

There’s no such thing as the wrong people to get advice from.  Especially when it comes to relationships.  Every one is a pro.  And since that is the case, do not be intentional about who you seek out relationship advice from.  Anyone will do.  Disregard expressions such as:  if you want what they have, do what they do.  Don’t bother to seek out people who have had success in love and relationships to ask advice of.  Who cares about their “love track record”.  Instead consider these prerequisites before proceeding to get love lessons from someone.

Checklist of qualities you should look for in people you actively seek out relationship advice from:

  • People who are single and haven’t had a relationship in a long time
  • People who hate/distrust men
  • People who subscribe to the theory that all men are the same or better yet all men are dogs
  • People who are miserable and view the glass as half empty with a broken glass that’s leaking
  • People who are jaded and don’t believe in love
  • People who have lost faith in relationships
  • People who tell you what you should do (yet they themselves don’t do it)
  • People who are secretly hating on you because you are boo-ed up and they aren’t so that all the relationship advice they give you begins and ends with:  you need to leave him girl
  • Those people who are miserable and single and want miserable, single company
  • People who do not challenge you
  • People who always take your side (even when you are wrong)

Ideally you want to keep all things relationship between the two people involved in the relationship, however, things do come up that you may need advice about.  And when that does occur continue to get advice from people whom you have listened to before and didn’t get positive results from.  The above list is the way to go.  Any one even remotely alluding to compromising, giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, or that you could stand to make some changes about your approach, should be avoided at all costs.

Versatile Blogger Award, I Could Cry

29 Aug

versatile-blogger-award-imageSo……

Had I just not posted an entry about crying, I would do just that but….  considering that I just did……

I think I’ll just say thank you soooooooo much!!!

Audrey dearest over at Like Crazy, thank you so much again for your kindness and thinking enough of me to include me in on this one as well.  You rock!

Here are the rules:

Display the Award Certificate on your blog.
Announce your win with a post. Make sure you post a link back to me as a ‘thank you’ for the nomination.
Present 15 awards to 15 deserving bloggers.
Leave them a comment to let them know after you have linked them to a post.
Post 7 interesting things about yourself.

Seven “Interesting” Things about Me:

  1. While I don’t sing nearly as often as I used to, I have sang the National Anthem at two hockey games before
  2. I tried out for America’s Next Top Model when they did 5′ 7” and under and made it though to the second round!
  3. I believe that fashion sense is a sixth sense (one that I could use a whole lot more of, hence my appreciation for those of you with fashion blogs and why I find Project Runway intriguing).
  4. While my mother is Puerto Rican (and my dad is African American) people usually just take me to be a light skinned black girl and my lack of knowledge of the Spanish language does not help at all
  5. I have driven a total of 15 hours straight by myself and crossed from one time zone in the US to another
  6. I have been blogging for 5 years and have had two other blogs before this one
  7. I have yet to travel outside of the continental U.S.

My Nominees (Yay now I can nominate people who I love with potentially more than 200 followers):

  1. Nikkyslovecorner
  2. Truth’s Unveiling
  3. College Thrive
  4. 30 dates by 30
  5. Social Life With Jewel
  6. Style Me B.A.D.
  7. Hello Beautiful
  8. The Better Man Project
  9. Still Learning to Be
  10. Almost 30-Something
  11. Confessions of a Love Addict
  12. BDevereaux
  13. Kate Styled Pretty
  14. Sex and the Cincy
  15. Lady Romp

What a way to wrap up the month!  Thank you guys for all your support and loyalty and comments and likes and nominations.  It truly means the absolute world to me!!!!