Tag Archives: new year

New Year, New Vision

3 Jan

vision 3Some new year’s inspiration:

 

Create a vision of who you want to be, and then live into that picture as if it were already true

Who or what do you want to be?  Be daring, be bold with it but whatever you do, don’t play small with it.

The ABC’s of A New Year

1 Jan

Happy New Year’s to you all!!!!  new yearThe image is a generic list of words for anyone for the new year.   How about we personalize it?  Think of the new year and list as many words as you can that describe your thoughts, hopes, dreams, and goals for the new year.  You can leave any letter blank that you can’t come up with something for and fill it in as the year progresses.  Try it and let me know what you come up with.  Here’s mine:

Alertness

Budgeting

Creativity

Determination

Effectiveness/Efficiency

Focus

Good health

Habits

I

J

K

Language

M

Niche

O

P

Q

Restaurant

Sophistication

Time management

U

V

World-renowned

X

Y

Zeal

Ok this is all I have so far.

Additionally,  a wonderful fellow blogger stopped by and showed me some love but also posed a great question:

I love this post. I am still trying to get over a 5 year on and off relationship and I can say it is one of the most challenging things to do. I just read this post now and it really hit home with me. The guy I was seeing is now in a happy relationship and at first I hated him for it, I wanted him to be miserable with me. But then I took a step back and saw that I too can be that happy. It won’t be with him, but it will be with someone else.I have to ask you though, how were you able to disconnect yourself completely from him? I still every now and then “check up” on my ex (facebook, etc.) and I still can feel myself deep down missing him. Heartbreak sucks right?

So I figured I would devote an entire post to answering this question because, it’s worth that if not more.  I may revisit it at a later date and post because there is so much richness in this but I will just focus on the question asked.  And while I do not have all the answers, here goes nothing…

They say that misery loves company but in reality, misery loves miserable company.  I know that feeling all too well.  These are some of the steps I took to disconnect, in no particular order (ok maybe there is an order after all lol).

DISCONNECTING FROM YOUR EX IN 10 EASY STEPS*:

  1. THERAPY.
  2. THERAPY.                                                                                                                                                                                              No, all jokes aside.  Consult a professional if you need to.  Your friends and family may get tired of hearing about this and face it, 5 years of on and off again you have a lot of unpacking to do.  Why not pay a professional to hear you out and help you identify some patterns and set some goals with you.  It helps big time!!!
  3. I changed my number.  This denied him access to me whenever he felt he may have wanted to say hi and prohibited me from contacting him because that would defeat the purpose of me paying a fee to change my number. 🙂
  4. I deactivated my Facebook account.  No lie.  I couldn’t control myself either. But each time I “checked up” on him I was only hurting myself because I was seeing images of him and his wife and I had to ask myself why am I even doing this to myself!!
  5. I threw away everything that reminded me of him.  Old tee-shirts he gave me, his old boxers I used to wear… you get the drift, closed our joint bank account.
  6. I found some pride and ego within me. I told myself that I don’t want him to get the satisfaction of knowing that I still loved him and wanted him and still thought about him.  WHAT GOOD WOULD IT DO??? HE’S A MARRIED MAN!!  This really helped me disconnect.  I wanted to prove to myself and to him that my life could be so much better without him.
  7. Gave myself permission to move on and be happy.  I think a lot of time we tell ourselves by holding on we are showing how much we love that person and how much they meant to us but love for yourself is revealed in letting go, because you can’t move on until you let go.  I told myself it would be pathetic of me to waste any mental and emotional energy on a man who had obviously moved on with his life. I took a lesson from him.  He moved on (and quickly at that without considering me or how I felt) and why should he, he has to do what is best for him and his life.  I also have that right and responsibility.
  8. I asked myself some tough questions. Is it really HIM you miss, or do you miss the company and the perks of a romantic RELATIONSHIP?
  9. I focused on the reality of the situation.  I reminded myself of all the reasons our relationship didn’t work.  And the fact that he was MARRIED.  There is no turning back.  What good would me focusing any attention on him do?  We had our shot at an “us” and we blew it.  If it mattered and was successful and met both of our needs the way it was supposed to, we would have still been together.  The fact that we aren’t and it didn’t speaks volumes.
  10. Find an activity partner.                                                                                                                                                        Seriously, find a member of the opposite sex that you can befriend.  Someone who you are not attracted so you don’t end up in a rebound situation and sleeping with someone to fill some type of void.  But someone whose company you enjoy and can do things with you, who you enjoy being around, makes you laugh and who enjoys your company as well.  This really helps big time.  It helps you relate to a male in a non romantic way and gives you a buddy you can talk to and it doesn’t even have to be anything heavy.  You don’t have to tell him all your business either.
  11. And since therapy was listed twice.  Here is the 10th one.  Distraction  (blogging, exercising, belly dancing classes, work, etc.).  You need some activities to do to break up that thinking about your ex.  And begin creating a life for yourself that you look forward to and enjoy!

*What made this process a little easier for me is that my ex lived in another state so there was not this possibility of running into him anywhere thankfully.  But if you do share a state of residence, you may want to avoid places you know he frequents at least for a couple of months so you can build your emotional muscle.

Remember it is a process!!!!!!!!!  Progress is very rarely a linear process.  You have ups and you have downs but each down leaves you a little higher up than where you started.  Heart-break is what you make it!  It is a journey and hopefully one that leaves to a renewed sense of who you are, what you want in a relationship, what you deserve,what you have to offer and what areas you can improve about yourself.

Hope this helps!  If it doesn’t let me know.  😉

Two Scoops of Goodness

28 Dec

…or three or four….   What I’d like to call combining several random separate blog posts into one extra long post.  If you haven’t noticed I have been away for a looooooong time.  I have a lot of catching up to do.  I feel I owed my fans a double whammy as a result.  So you will get my apology for staying away so long, some cool lists and a blog themed post.  I know, I know, you are thrilled.  Don’t wderrick roseorry you don’t even have to contain your enthusiasm.   🙂  Special shout out to Dax over at Hi, My Name is Dax… and I’m a Dateaholic for unintentionally calling me out of retirement with his post Not Going Into Retirement.    When I read this, I knew I had to get back in the game.  Had I had any sports knowledge I would have displayed that expertise and brilliance here, instead a picture of some athlete (who I don’t even know) who looks like he is waiting to get back into the game (of a sport I am also even unaware of although the bull makes me think basketball) will suffice.

Reasons for Unintentional Retirement:

1. Work:  This takes up 80% of my time and life right now.  Which I am not complaining about.  I love what I do.

2. School:  This also takes up 80% of my time.  With reading 500 page books and writing 500 paged papers.   Oh my I can hardly wait until this part of my life is over.

3. Social Life:  20% of my time is spent trying to have some semblance of a social life.  Which I have become more successful at as of late because I found an “activity partner”.  Someone suggested this to me and I scoffed at the idea and concept because as an adult the only activity people are looking to do is….  well, I actually found someone who is willing with the no time we have left, to just hang out platonically which is cool.

If you notice my percentages are grossly off.  Of this I am fully aware.  Needless to say, time to blog and keep up with all of you… 0%.

On another note, ‘Yonce and her new album… loving it.  My top three tracks are (in no particular order)…..

1. Rocket Love  (fav line:  I do it like it’s my profession)

2.  Mine (fav line:  stop making big deals out little things)

3.  Jealous (fav line:  that ain’t nothing, I’m just jealous, I’m just human)

Speaking of what makes one human, this thought came to me:  Who are you at your best and worse?  And the infamous Marilyn Monroe quote inevitably came to mind:

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

Made me want to create my own.

At my best I am/can be:

1.  Giving:  I really love sharing things with people:  my time, my cooking, my things, gifts (when it is not grossly inconvenient and/or being taken advantage of or unappreciated) and I do for the most part enjoy making other people happy.   I don’t keep score with how much I have given, or who’s turn it is to give either

2.  Loving:  When I love, I love deeply and basically there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.  Supportive, encouraging, understanding… all that good stuff

3.  Creative:  It’s a mode I wish I operated in more but creativity is basically life.  It gives you this fire and passion and new perspective and drives one to accomplish great things

At my worse I am/ can be:

1.  Unforgiving:  Especially when I’m wounded or hurt by you, aww man

2.  Stubborn:  There aren’t very many things I am dead set on, and for that reason I am pretty flexible, but the few things I am adamant about… watch out

3.  Moody:  I dislike this most of all.  Hunger, fatigue, and that time of the month can off set a very bad mood and it’s one of the most unpleasant things

I’d be interested what things come up for you guys! Feel free to comment with it, or create a new post and just tag me in it.   I guess the things that make your “At Your Best” list are the things you want to explore more in the new year, how do you get there, stay there and live there.  Your “At Your Worse” list are the things you work on, recognizing your triggers and managing them.

And lastly, my sis sent me this cool thing that I ‘ll post for you guys.  What are the first three words you see?

The first three words will be what you have in the new year

The first three words you see, will be what you have in the new year

 

My three words for the new year:  Freedom, intelligence and money!!!  Happy New Year’s Guys!!!