Tag Archives: mistakes

#25: Block His Number…

30 Dec

… or change yours.  And maybe just maybe, this should be the last cowardly act you commit before you decide to grow a pair and tellblock this person the truth, which can be any of the following:

  1. Maybe you really don’t want to be with him and you are hoping he will break it off instead of you, so you are doing these things to drive him to that point (you are on the right track to accomplish that)
  2. You are pushing him away because you have some twisted idea and concept that by in so doing, it will cause him to chase even harder after you (not bright)
  3. It’s obvi that you are unhappy about SOMETHING and just don’t know how to express that, so you passively aggressively do things in the hopes that he will understand the feelings behind your actions… (not happening, he’s not physic or your therapist for that matter), so you are doing things that communicate that you are UNHAPPY WITH THE RELATIONSHIP ALTOGETHER (you are destroying your relationship)
  4. You really do want this relationship but you don’t know how… to do it successfully (in that case you probably should not be in a relationship until you learn how).

WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH WHEN YOU PULL THIS MOVE:

  1. Testing him to see how long it takes him to realize you did this?
  2. Testing him to see if he will exhaust all other avenues to contact you (email, FB, Twitter. show up at your door step, etc…)
  3. Prove… something?
  4. Making your relationship… stronger somehow?
  5. Limiting his freedom to access you when he wants to, causing him to realize how much he needs and wants you in his life?

WHAT YOU ACTUALLY END UP DOING WHEN YOU PULL THIS MOVE:

  1. Wasting time doing research on how to block someone’s number or change yours
  2. Wasting money on the whole process it takes to do either one of these
  3. Communicating to him that you no longer want to communicate with him whether or not that is the case!
  4. Embarrassing yourself, if in the end, you just give him the new number or unblock his number
  5. He realizes how much more peaceful his life is, not communicating with you

And there you have it folks.  If you want to appear indecisive, not interested and ready to move on, then blocking his number or changing yours is the route to take.  But don’t make that turn if you plan on reversing.  That’s how accidents of relationships happen.

#14: Compare Him To Other Men…

5 Aug

…in your mind of course.comparing

Devote lots of your time and mental energy to how he is not [as fit, as handsome, as nice as, as…you fill in the blank] as [the postal man, the bartender at Starbucks, the garbage man, you fill in the blank].   Daydream about these other men even.

And you can even take it a step further and let him in on these comparisons you are making.

So much for appreciating what you have.  Come straight out and ask him why he can’t be more like so and so.

Tell him all the stories your friends tell you about their men and ask him why he doesn’t do those things for you.

Because it is perfectly reasonable to expect him to be just like another man whom you know absolutely nothing about.  I mean after all you have no way of knowing how these other men would be in a relationship with you but something about how he smiles as he hands you your caramel macchiato communicates he’d treat you better if he had to deal with you on a daily basis in a relationship?

And did I mention that these comparisons will do wonders for your relationship?  They will just allow you to appreciate your man for… who he isn’t!  And just imagine if he did the same thing to you… compared you to other women… oh he had better watch his back!!!

But keep on comparing, it will just serve as constant reminders that he is just not measuring up and you should be the one to remind him.  These comparisons will blind you to all the ways he IS there for you but who cares?  If he’s trying, he needs to try harder because those other men over there, they have their ish together and your man, well he needs to get his together.

Discredit everything your man does because he’s not doing something someone else’s man did for them.

Except for this one small thing….greeener

everything that glitters, isn’t always gold.

#12: Refuse to Be Happy

31 Jul
Not good enough!

Not good enough!

With everything he does.

If he takes you out for dinner and a movie… be upset with him for not topping it off with flowers. 

If he cooks you breakfast, be upset that he spilled pancake batter all over the counter and didn’t clean it up and the fact that he did not do the dishes, also.

And if he does decide to clean up around the house, white glove test it ladies.  Complain about the spots he missed.

If he buys you a doughnut, look at the hole in the center and complain that there is a piece of doughnut missing.  Focus on the hole and disregard the doughnutty goodness surrounding the hole.  Do this with everything he does.

After all, he is supposed to be jumping through rings of fire for us ladies if we ask him too.  And after he does complain that he smells like smoke!

Become impossible to please.

Inspect everything, expect perfection and always look for the downfall and then keep demanding more.

Because the goal is ladies that one day he will get it 100% correct.  That he will just keep trying to please us and finally get our stamp of approval.

You have a better chance at achieving this objective by refusing to be happy as opposed to acknowledging and appreciating his efforts.

Chances are once he’s sick and tired of this and leaves you, you still won’t be happy.

There’s a small possibility that, maybe just maybe, happiness needs to start within.  Or that it’s all his fault….

#11: Bad Mouth Him

29 Jul
bad mouth

Did you just say I’m pissing myself off?!
The nerve of you.

For any and every little thing he does…  and doesn’t do.

Best if done behind his back.   It makes things so much more wonderfully uncomfortable when you two decide to have get together’s with all the people you painted him as a monster to.

Bad mouth him in your own head, under your breath, out-loud, with friends, family, co-workers, strangers at the coffee shop or bar. Just about anyone who will listen. After all he is low down and dirty and should not have done what he did, said what he said, acted the way he did.  And it’s your job to single-handedly tell the whole world.  So much for just keeping things between the two of you.   Pffft.  Who does that?!

Just piss yourself off all over again and everyone around you by recollecting his latest mistakes and wrongs.

This is sure to do wonders for the good feelings you have toward him.  It should just add to your appreciation for him for all the times he tried, tires, continues to try and all the things he does “right”.  Those do exist don’t they?  But who wants to talk about that when you can just focus on the bad stuff.  That’s infinitely more entertaining isn’t it?

You should even start to keep a list of all the things he did to piss you off, carry it around so that as soon as you spot someone who is willing to listen or another group of women bad mouthing their men,  just pull it out and start going down the list.  Check em off as you go, underline the ones you need to continually revisit.

Organize outings with your friends specifically designed to trash him because he got you upset.  And then get angry with them when they ask why  you even bother to stay with him if he is so terrible.

The objective is, to get things off your chest because what else do you do with all the anger you are feeling than to gain support from other women who will take your side.

Who cares that you will leave behind a trail of people who hate him because they “see how much he hurts you” when you decide that you are “on again”.

Another great strategy ladies because bad mouthing him behind his back helps you and everyone you talk to fall infinitely more in love with him!

#7: Be “On Again” and then “Off Again”…

24 Jul

And then on againonoff.

And off again.

Every other week.
No, even better, every other day.  And if you can’t go a couple of hours without a change in your relationship status, I mean you are really just doing superbly.

One minute you two are doing well, the next minute, not so much.  Try pulling this one regularly especially if  you are involved in a long distance relationship.

And did I mention this is the very best way to have a relationship? The instability of it all does wonders to counteract the monotony of it all.  Wouldn’t you agree?  The indecisiveness is sure to get that adrenalin pumping.  This is exactly the type of inconsistency that is needed to create a healthy and productive relationship.

When you’re “on” make plans with him and tell him to write important dates and events in his planner to do with you and then a couple minutes later when you decide you want to be “off” again, tell him to forget it.  Scratch that.  Forget you asked.

After all, who doesn’t love a good roller coaster ride?  Why not model your relationship after one!  Who cares that people get sick on and of those things, get nauseous.  Let the roller coaster ride of relationships begin and persist.

Sitcoms?

Dramas anyone?

Why not make your relationship the star of one.

Blur the lines of your coupledom so much so that you don’t even know if you are on the “on again” or “off again” day.  Allow this to cause so much confusion so that the only Facebook status that will suffice to sum up your relationship is:  It’s Complicated.  And so that when all your friends see you together they scratch their heads thinking:  I thought they were broken up.

But just watch out because any rubber-band stretched too far will eventually pop.

Any light switch tampered with excessively for the fun of it, is sure to result in a blown fuse.

But relationships?  People and their emotions?  Ah, just keep pushing the limits, pushing buttons.  They’ll just last forever no matter what- they are unbreakable.

What Do You Think?

23 Jul

#4: Call Him While He’s At Work…

22 Jul
I don't care if you lose your job! I need to win this argument.

I don’t care if you lose your job! I need to win this argument.

…to argue.

Not to tell him that you love him.

Or that you miss him.

And certainly not to tell him that you were thinking about him, or “I’m sorry”.

Instead choose from these options:

  1. To resume an argument:  If he happened to leave early for work before you got to finish making your point, call him up once he starts his shift and finish letting him have it
  2. To start an argument:  What you have to say can’t wait and as you start to get real deep into what happened in your day that made you upset he says, “I have to get back to work,” and you give him a piece of your mind for not “being there for you” before you hang up.
  3. To win an argument:  You know he can’t say much due to him not having the privacy or liberty to engage in much back and forth with you
  4. To tell him off while he is at work and does not have the liberty to respond (enough said)
  5. For foolishness
  6. To tell him something you can wait until he gets home/off from work to tell him
  7. Something that will piss him off and ruin the rest of his day

Regularly.  Try for at least 3 to 4 times a week with this behavior.  Especially if his work involves any type of manual labor, is strenuous or requires him to be vigilant and is stressful in nature or dangerous.  All the better.

That will do it ladies:  Get things off your chest without interruption.

And make it long and loud.  Try to blow his ear drum out while you are at it.  Cry and whine and rant.  Keep “and another thing…” -ing it.

The goal is to leave him all hot and bothered by your utter lack of consideration for his time and place.  And make sure that once you get off the phone with him, it’s so unpleasant that everyone in his immediate vicinity will know he’s not a happy camper.

This is exactly the type of impression you want to leave him with of you before he starts his day and perhaps has lots of opportunities to interact with women who will be much nicer to him.  Perfect plan.

What a way to enhance a relationship!