#24: Make Him Your World

Part of his wooooooorrrrrrrrlllllllddddd

Ladies and gentlemen, for this post let us briefly turn to Walt Disney and the classic Little Mermaid for this lesson in love.  What do we learn:

• Obsess over how you can become something other than what you are (Ariel longing desperately to be human)
• Obsess over how you can make yourself apart of someone else’s world and life
• Do whatever you need to do to make that happen
• This includes ignoring the warnings of close friends and family
• Give up any and everything to fit into his world (lose bras, I mean fins, voice, etc just for a pair of “legs” for a man)
• Turn your back on family and whoever else does not support your decision to make this man your world
• No seagull, fish and lobster are going to come to your rescue when the man you lost and gave up everything for is mesmerized by some other woman who can do what you can’t…. take that to mean whatever you want but if we’re talking about Ariel it was sing…  These days it’s… well you get the picture.
• And when you get yourself into trouble, go right back to those very people and depend on them to bail you out of trouble
• Things in real life don’t ever end “happily ever after”.

So there you have it folks, making him your world & making yourself apart of his world 101 from The Little Mermaid.  Bound!! [Kayne West style].

Making a man your world, your everything is one of the fastest ways to an enduring, fulfilling relationship; especially at it’s inception.  That’s when we are the most inclined to do this because it’s fresh and we want it to last and this is the best way to do that.

Find a way to trade in everything that makes you you and distinguishes you and your interests and values from his.  You want to blur the lines between his world and life and yours.

You can accomplish this in four easy steps:

1.  Make yourself available 100% of the time.  Don’t make plans with any one else.  In fact cancel all plans and arrangements you made months earlier.  You need to be at his beck and call.

2.  Get rid of all of your friends.  Yup, just stop calling them, stop spending time with them.  Say no when they invite you places.  You want to free up all your mental energy and time with thoughts of him and him, only.  Social life?  Who needs that when you have a man!  Hello!

3.  Make sure everything revolves around him:  your hair appointments, dentist visits, laundry.  Do these essential things only when you know:

• a) he will be at work
• b) he made other plans with the friends he didn’t get rid of for you
• c) he is sick and can’t spend time with you
• d) he is pretending to be sick so that he doesn’t have to spend time with you.

4.  Final step:  expect him to make him your world too and then argue with him when he refuses.  Why should he be allowed to refuse to give up his martial arts training.  The nerve of him to try to derive some similitude of happiness, joy and recreation outside of being with and spending time with you!

Making him your world is THE SINGLE MOST romantic, sexy, endearing, non-desperate, non-thirsty, non-smoothering thing you can do for you, your man, and the future of your relationship.

Two Scoops of Goodness

…or three or four….   What I’d like to call combining several random separate blog posts into one extra long post.  If you haven’t noticed I have been away for a looooooong time.  I have a lot of catching up to do.  I feel I owed my fans a double whammy as a result.  So you will get my apology for staying away so long, some cool lists and a blog themed post.  I know, I know, you are thrilled.  Don’t worry you don’t even have to contain your enthusiasm.   🙂  Special shout out to Dax over at Hi, My Name is Dax… and I’m a Dateaholic for unintentionally calling me out of retirement with his post Not Going Into Retirement.    When I read this, I knew I had to get back in the game.  Had I had any sports knowledge I would have displayed that expertise and brilliance here, instead a picture of some athlete (who I don’t even know) who looks like he is waiting to get back into the game (of a sport I am also even unaware of although the bull makes me think basketball) will suffice.

Reasons for Unintentional Retirement:

1. Work:  This takes up 80% of my time and life right now.  Which I am not complaining about.  I love what I do.

2. School:  This also takes up 80% of my time.  With reading 500 page books and writing 500 paged papers.   Oh my I can hardly wait until this part of my life is over.

3. Social Life:  20% of my time is spent trying to have some semblance of a social life.  Which I have become more successful at as of late because I found an “activity partner”.  Someone suggested this to me and I scoffed at the idea and concept because as an adult the only activity people are looking to do is….  well, I actually found someone who is willing with the no time we have left, to just hang out platonically which is cool.

If you notice my percentages are grossly off.  Of this I am fully aware.  Needless to say, time to blog and keep up with all of you… 0%.

On another note, ‘Yonce and her new album… loving it.  My top three tracks are (in no particular order)…..

1. Rocket Love  (fav line:  I do it like it’s my profession)

2.  Mine (fav line:  stop making big deals out little things)

3.  Jealous (fav line:  that ain’t nothing, I’m just jealous, I’m just human)

Speaking of what makes one human, this thought came to me:  Who are you at your best and worse?  And the infamous Marilyn Monroe quote inevitably came to mind:

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

Made me want to create my own.

At my best I am/can be:

1.  Giving:  I really love sharing things with people:  my time, my cooking, my things, gifts (when it is not grossly inconvenient and/or being taken advantage of or unappreciated) and I do for the most part enjoy making other people happy.   I don’t keep score with how much I have given, or who’s turn it is to give either

2.  Loving:  When I love, I love deeply and basically there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.  Supportive, encouraging, understanding… all that good stuff

3.  Creative:  It’s a mode I wish I operated in more but creativity is basically life.  It gives you this fire and passion and new perspective and drives one to accomplish great things

At my worse I am/ can be:

1.  Unforgiving:  Especially when I’m wounded or hurt by you, aww man

2.  Stubborn:  There aren’t very many things I am dead set on, and for that reason I am pretty flexible, but the few things I am adamant about… watch out

3.  Moody:  I dislike this most of all.  Hunger, fatigue, and that time of the month can off set a very bad mood and it’s one of the most unpleasant things

I’d be interested what things come up for you guys! Feel free to comment with it, or create a new post and just tag me in it.   I guess the things that make your “At Your Best” list are the things you want to explore more in the new year, how do you get there, stay there and live there.  Your “At Your Worse” list are the things you work on, recognizing your triggers and managing them.

And lastly, my sis sent me this cool thing that I ‘ll post for you guys.  What are the first three words you see?

The first three words you see, will be what you have in the new year

 

My three words for the new year:  Freedom, intelligence and money!!!  Happy New Year’s Guys!!!

#23: Be a Drama Queen

And by drama queen I mean, one who:

• Makes a big deal out of every little thing
• Is governed and ruled by her emotions
• Has to be the center of attention
• Is spoiled and has to have her way… or else
• Has a problem with every thing and every one
• Is or thinks one should be “turnt up” on a regular basis

These all the top qualities that a man looks for in a woman by the way.  These attributes make a women attractive, admirable, and wanted!!!

What more would a man want to do than to spend the rest of his life with a woman who has consistently proven that mountains must be made out of every molehill or else the world is just flat!

Men will gladly sign up for the headaches, high blood pressure, extreme highs and lows and the sheer fatigue that comes along with a woman who is  just dramatic to the bone.

Another mark of a drama queen is that she is usually highly involved in other people’s business and has lots of opinions about them and always thinks everyone is in her business.   Oh yes, I forgot to mention being consumed with other people’s lives and obsessed with image and the opinions of others is the route everyone takes who wants to have success in love and relationships.

And people say drama queen is a term used to glamorize and sugar coat someone who is emotionally immature, potentially unstable and who lacks discipline.

Pfffffft.  They better not be talking about me either because if they are, there is going to be a problem!!!!  Like, who are “they” anyway.   “They” need to mind their business.

#22: Be Jealous

Of every woman on the face of the earth.

The ones he works with.

The ones that walk by you two as you are out and about.

The ones that have been his friends for years.

The ones in movies and his favorite TV shows.

The ones he doesn’t even notice, but will once you point them out and start an argument with him about how he was starring at her.

If she is a female, you should assume he may at some point take some type of interest in her.

If you didn’t know, jealousy is one of the most attractive qualities a woman can exhibit.

And what’s even more attractive is if you express these jealous thoughts and feelings regularly.

Question him about all of your suspicions.  And do this daily.  Hourly would be ideal though.

Accuse him of looking at other women, of fantasizing about other women, and checking them out on social media websites,

Put restrictions on who he can talk to and who he can’t.

Who he can talk to = only men.

Who he can’t talk to = every woman.

When he scans the room to make sure everything is okay and that you guys are safe, accuse him of looking at and checking other women out.

When he turns his head as you walk down the street to make sure you guys are not about to get hit by a car, smack him up side the head for eye-ing another woman.

Turn every wonderful outing you have into a nightmare because the only place you expect his eyes to be, no matter what you do, is to be glued to you and only you.

This is realistic and completely understandable.

Disregard the fact that men are visual creatures by nature and CAN’T HELP but see attractive women as they wonder through life.  But instead, assume that he thinks every attractive woman he sees is more beautiful than you and that every woman that crosses his path (attractive or not) makes him stop loving you and makes him want to leave you (for them).

Happy successful relationship.

Here. You. Come.

Blog Identify Crisis

As you all know, this blog was started as a result of… well you can read about it here.

With me starting to work again at the top of the month, in addition to taking some Master’s classes, let’s just say the frequency with which I can post has, well, declined significantly.

I truly miss you all.

And as if that were not enough to complicate this blogging thing, my perspectives, focus, and considerations have changed considerably.  Which I am ecstatic, grateful and overjoyed about.

I honestly didn’t think I could be happy without my ex and that I would never love again.  I thought I couldn’t find happiness knowing he had moved on, and so suddenly at that.   I remember contacting him after finding out he had got married to congratulate him (oh I forgot to post that post huh?  my bad :-D).  He responded by telling me he hoped I was happy.  I remember wondering, how can I be happy when you just got married?  But I can say that at this point in my life his dealings are no longer a consideration of mine.  I really don’t even want to be identified with any thing him related nor do I want to talk about or even reference him.  There is ZERO animosity, hatred, bitterness, etc.  I just understand that I still have so much life left to live and that a life without him can also equal a life that was even better than the life I had when I was with him.  I don’t spend too much time looking back anymore and the sadness that used to consume me when I did, no longer does.

While I started this blog under the premise that I was mostly responsible for the “failure” of my last relationship, I was intent on correcting all my wrongs, in the hopes that… what?  I wouldn’t make the same mistakes again?  And there is merit to that.  I am a whole lot more cautious about how I approach relationships.  I understand that it all starts in your head- how you think about relationships and yourself.  I don’t see things falling apart as SOLELY my fault now.  Just something that happens when you are with someone you shouldn’t be with.  Things fall apart when they aren’t strong enough to last.  Things break so you can buy new things.  Even better things.  Relationships are no different.

Yet now I’m confused.

While I still have loads of content to contribute to the theme of the blog (more content than I have time to get to now), I would prefer to write about other things.  Still relationship related.  Just not “my ex” related.  Taking the advice of Oldmoaner52 (which you can read here) and writing to a more hopeful future, one that is filled with happiness (whether I’m in a relationship or not) and then also charting any new developments for me in this area of love.  <— Never thought I’d say that!!! Oh my!!!

Where do broken hearts go?  They are restored.  They heal.  They are rejuvenated.  They learn to love again.

Healing from a broken heart is a real place.  It is attainable.  And it is a wonderful feeling!

Stay tuned.

#21: Get Advice From the Wrong People

I do everything listed in How To Ruin a Relationship!!!

There’s no such thing as the wrong people to get advice from.  Especially when it comes to relationships.  Every one is a pro.  And since that is the case, do not be intentional about who you seek out relationship advice from.  Anyone will do.  Disregard expressions such as:  if you want what they have, do what they do.  Don’t bother to seek out people who have had success in love and relationships to ask advice of.  Who cares about their “love track record”.  Instead consider these prerequisites before proceeding to get love lessons from someone.

Checklist of qualities you should look for in people you actively seek out relationship advice from:

• People who are single and haven’t had a relationship in a long time
• People who hate/distrust men
• People who subscribe to the theory that all men are the same or better yet all men are dogs
• People who are miserable and view the glass as half empty with a broken glass that’s leaking
• People who are jaded and don’t believe in love
• People who have lost faith in relationships
• People who tell you what you should do (yet they themselves don’t do it)
• People who are secretly hating on you because you are boo-ed up and they aren’t so that all the relationship advice they give you begins and ends with:  you need to leave him girl
• Those people who are miserable and single and want miserable, single company
• People who do not challenge you
• People who always take your side (even when you are wrong)

Ideally you want to keep all things relationship between the two people involved in the relationship, however, things do come up that you may need advice about.  And when that does occur continue to get advice from people whom you have listened to before and didn’t get positive results from.  The above list is the way to go.  Any one even remotely alluding to compromising, giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, or that you could stand to make some changes about your approach, should be avoided at all costs.

Versatile Blogger Award, I Could Cry

So……

Had I just not posted an entry about crying, I would do just that but….  considering that I just did……

I think I’ll just say thank you soooooooo much!!!

Audrey dearest over at Like Crazy, thank you so much again for your kindness and thinking enough of me to include me in on this one as well.  You rock!

Here are the rules:

Display the Award Certificate on your blog.
Announce your win with a post. Make sure you post a link back to me as a ‘thank you’ for the nomination.
Present 15 awards to 15 deserving bloggers.
Leave them a comment to let them know after you have linked them to a post.
Post 7 interesting things about yourself.

Seven “Interesting” Things about Me:

1. While I don’t sing nearly as often as I used to, I have sang the National Anthem at two hockey games before
2. I tried out for America’s Next Top Model when they did 5′ 7” and under and made it though to the second round!
3. I believe that fashion sense is a sixth sense (one that I could use a whole lot more of, hence my appreciation for those of you with fashion blogs and why I find Project Runway intriguing).
4. While my mother is Puerto Rican (and my dad is African American) people usually just take me to be a light skinned black girl and my lack of knowledge of the Spanish language does not help at all
5. I have driven a total of 15 hours straight by myself and crossed from one time zone in the US to another
6. I have been blogging for 5 years and have had two other blogs before this one
7. I have yet to travel outside of the continental U.S.

My Nominees (Yay now I can nominate people who I love with potentially more than 200 followers):

1. Nikkyslovecorner
2. Truth’s Unveiling
3. College Thrive
4. 30 dates by 30
5. Social Life With Jewel
6. Style Me B.A.D.
7. Hello Beautiful
8. The Better Man Project
9. Still Learning to Be
10. Almost 30-Something
11. Confessions of a Love Addict
12. BDevereaux
13. Kate Styled Pretty
14. Sex and the Cincy
15. Lady Romp

What a way to wrap up the month!  Thank you guys for all your support and loyalty and comments and likes and nominations.  It truly means the absolute world to me!!!!

#20: Cry

Go on and cry him a river girl (thanks Justin)

All the time.

For everything.

Any where.  Anytime.  In front of any and everyone.

Do this instead of talking.

In fact, don’t even tell him why you’re crying.

Just sob.

If he says he doesn’t like how your food came out, just start crying.

If you feel he doesn’t spend enough time with you, cry.

When you don’t know what else to do…

When you don’t know what else to say…

When all else fails… just cry.

Make sure it is a real ugly looking cry too, don’t try to be cute with it than it will look too staged.

If you want attention.  You want him to put his arm around you and ask you what’s wrong.

Just start boo-hooing.

And then when he asks you what’s wrong, just tell him the truth and say “Oh it’s nothing”.

He’ll think you are withholding something and keep asking you when really, nothing is wrong.

Want to stop or win an argument?  Start crying.

Crying will allow you do:

1. Distract from a real issue or
2. Manipulate him into doing what you want

Release the water works.

He will never get sick of this or frustrated in the least bit.

He will think your cry baby tendencies are endearing and just want to be around you more and more.

Because this is what mature, grown women do!

And we understand that mature grown men expect this of their women and don’t know how else to respond to a woman crying but than to just give in to what she wants to make the crying stop.  Mission accomplished:  getting your way!!!

**Applause**

**Standing O**

And when that happens just go on and take your bow.

And people thought excessive crying was just a sign of immaturity or emotionally instability… pffffftttt.

Liebster Award #3 for Meeee?

Okay, okay, okay.

I just…

I mean…

Like….

I. Can’t. Believe. This.

This is a total shock to me.  You people actually read this and like it!!!

I am so overjoyed, overwhelmed, and every other ‘over’ word that means happy!!!

Thank you.  Thank you.  Thank you.

Audrey you amazing blogger you!!!  She has a really fun blog that is such an honest, transparent and sincere account of her journey through life.  Always something interesting going on there.  Please do pay her a visit ASAP at Like Crazy.

The Liebster Award Rules:  
You must link back the person who nominated you.
You must answer the 10 Liebster questions given to you by the nominee before you.
You must pick 10 bloggers to be nominated for the award with under 200 followers
You must come up with 10 questions for your nominees to answer.
You must go to their blogs and notify your nominees.

And the questions she asked:

1. What is your favorite season and why?

It used to be winter because I used to like cold weather and thought my winter wardrobe was really nice but after living in a state where there was no winter, I have come to learn that life without winter is doable, life without summer not so much.  I enjoy being outdoors, the sunshine, beautiful blue skies  and the ability to just throw on a maxi dress and nothing more and get outside!!!!

2. Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Toughie.  I really hope to be married with 0 kids, I repeat ZERO kids, enjoying my husband, doing the job I do now, and maybe being interviewed for a newly released book or something.

3. What advice would you give your 21 year old self?

Okay so I am slightly over 21 (by just a little ;-)) so that would leave me looking back at myself a couple of years ago and I would have told myself:  Please just love you and yourself for who you are.  Find out who you are.  Find out what you love.  Start thinking about who you want to be.  Don’t be so harsh with yourself.  So what you don’t look like the girls on TV or on magazines but that doesn’t mean you are not beautiful.  Don’t zero in on one feature that you don’t like and draw false, unflattering conclusions about your self.  You are some kind of wonderful, embrace that, own that and live your best life for you and no one else.

4. Do you play an instrument? If so, what? If not, what would you play if you decided to take lessons?

I played the violin in 3rd grade but I quit.  That makes me sad.  Wish I had been forced to continue.  I also fool around with the keyboard once in a while.

5. What is your favorite TV show?

I rarely ever watch TV, let alone have a regular show that I must watch but really have had an obsession with MONK at one point and Project Runway is always amazing when I can catch it.

6. Have you ever met anyone famous?

I have been on the set of Ugly Betty, Step Up 3D, and Let’s Stay Together, so I have SEEN some famous people, that’s close enough to met right? LOL

7. If you could relive any day of your life, what day would you choose?

A snowy day in February a couple of years ago… sitting across the table from him on our first “date”… the look in his eyes was one of pure admiration…. things were good then.

8. What is your favorite number?

I’m going to go with the number 7 because it is the month I was born.

9. Do you believe in love at first sight? Why?

Lust, physical attraction and interest at first sight yes… love?  no

Love is an informed decision one makes after having gathered more information about a person than what meets the eye.  Love requires a degree of maturity and knowledge that supersedes anything superficially presented at first sight.

10. Do you think you’ll continue blogging a year from now?

Absolutely, no doubt in my mind!!!

And now for the nominees:

1. Corner of Rain
2. Girls Being Girls
3. 1000 Days Spent 100% Man Free
4. Whiskey in a Teacup
5. Simple Life, Simple Love
6. Faith Spilling Over
7. MsKiasway
8. Revival of a Sunny Disposition
9. Lexil0uu
10. OMG WTF LOL

Here are your rules:

The Liebster Award Rules:  
You must link back the person who nominated you.
You must answer the 10 Liebster questions given to you by the nominee before you.
You must pick 10 bloggers to be nominated for the award with under 200 followers
You must come up with 10 questions for your nominees to answer.
You must go to their blogs and notify your nominees.

Here are your questions:

1. If you could have a guest blogger post for you, who would it be and why?
2. The key to happiness is…
3. Top 3 qualities you look for in a significant other?
4. Favorite movie of all time?
5. Two things you have done that have not helped your relationships?
6. The most important quality you bring to a relationship?
7. This time next year…
8. What is something you have been putting off doing and why?
9. Most memorable vacation?
10. Favorite store to shop at?

Announcing 2nd Liebster Award :O

Huge shout out to Jeneration Life who thought enough of little ol’ me to nominate me for this award.  Her blog is extremely thoughtful, encouraging and loaded with inspirational tidbits on a variety of subjects (from life to love) that is sure to keep you  going back for more.  Be sure to check her out here.

What can I say, except that I am deeply honored and overjoyed at this, the second nomination for the Liebster Award.  Maybe the second time around will be the charm (especially since I won’t be eligible once I get more than 200 followers!  🙂    This award after, is designed to recognize up and coming blogs with less that 200 followers because let’s face it, we have some pretty terrific stuff going on on our sites too yunno; as my nominees will also prove!!! 🙂

To All My Nominees:  The Liebster Award Rules:  
You must link back the person who nominated you.  (Jeneration Life, you rock!!!)
You must answer the 10 Liebster questions given to you by the nominee before you. (Some of them were tough, but I managed :-))
You must pick 10 bloggers to be nominated for the award with under 200 followers (Made some pretty good suggestions 😀 they all rock)
You must come up with 10 questions for your nominees to answer. (Got em)
You must go to their blogs and notify your nominees. (Ah yes the toughest part ;-))

The questions I had to answer:

1. You are on a deserted island, what 3 things would you choose to have with you?

I’ll keep it real basic:  music, notepad, writing instrument (preferably Uniball pens in a variety of colors :-))

2. What are your 3 favorite all time books?

I must confess I usually do not read books for entertainment purposes (I read blogs for that).  Books are usually for informational /personal growth/motivational purposes:

100 Ways to Motivate Yourself: Change Your Life Forever

Six Attitudes for Winners

Happiness Is…

3. What drives you to write? Meaning, what gives you that fire?

Everyday life experiences.  Seeing the same old things in new ways and sharing these insights with other people.

4. How do you wish your blog to be in a year?

Very hard to answer this question.  Hmmm… a very well known blog, referenced with regard to relationships, a book…. idk.  But come to think of it, after just watching the VMA’s like we need one of those award shows for bloggers.  And if we did get one, yeah I’d like one for this blog a year from now 😀

(WordPress. Make. It. Happen)

5. What ways are you trying to build up an audience for your blog, if any.

Visiting and reading other people’s blogs, giving credit where credit is due and leaving comments on others pages if I see something I like or enjoyed (people are usually kind enough to return the favor).  Oh yes and bullying everyone who knows me into reading my blog and telling all their friends about it 🙂

6. What do you think of blogging so far?

I have had several other blogs and have been blogging for ahhh let’s just say 5 years (previous blog if you are interested: The Boo-Less Life) but I love it and this one is by far the one that I have enjoyed the most and have gotten the most support for.  I love blogging.  The community and support you get from readers and fellow bloggers is nothing short of AMAZING.

7. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

I’m just going to say Hawaii because who wouldn’t want to live there and it’s never gonna happen. lol

8. Name 3 things on your bucket list.

1. Visit Puerto Rico
2. Write a book
3. Produce a hit single

9. What was the initial reason you started blogging?

To get things out of my system without having to drive those closest to me insane because I want to keep talking about the same things. LOL.

10. What is your favorite topic to write about?

Why, love of course.

Nominees, these people rock and always have something entertaining, insightful and informative going on:

1. Be the Love of Life
2. Wandering Angel
3. For When Love Starts to Hurt
4. Social Life With Jewel
5. Rinse and/or Repeat
6. Out of My Element
7. Oldmoaner52’s Blog
8. AJ5911’s Blog
9. I Need This In My Life
10. I am Out there Somewhere

Questions:

1. Who is one person you really enjoy spending time with?
2. One thing you (can) do for yourself everyday that (would) make(s) you happy?
3. What is a bad habit of yours?
4. What is something you are proud of yourself for?
5. One thing you like most about your blog/blogging?
6. Something very many people do not know about you?
7. Something you accomplished that you thought you wouldn’t be able to?
8. If you were an actor/actress and had to perform a crying scene, what would you think about to help you cry on the spot?
9. Maya Angelou said:  “I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way (s)he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.”  What three things do you think can tell you a lot about a person?
10. Agree or disagree:  Your happiness is directly connected to the speed of your internet connection?

And there you have it folks.  I would really love to Taylor Swift this thing yunno, thank the guy that led me to get a blog award!! 😀