Tag Archives: disconnecting

The ABC’s of A New Year

1 Jan

Happy New Year’s to you all!!!!  new yearThe image is a generic list of words for anyone for the new year.   How about we personalize it?  Think of the new year and list as many words as you can that describe your thoughts, hopes, dreams, and goals for the new year.  You can leave any letter blank that you can’t come up with something for and fill it in as the year progresses.  Try it and let me know what you come up with.  Here’s mine:

Alertness

Budgeting

Creativity

Determination

Effectiveness/Efficiency

Focus

Good health

Habits

I

J

K

Language

M

Niche

O

P

Q

Restaurant

Sophistication

Time management

U

V

World-renowned

X

Y

Zeal

Ok this is all I have so far.

Additionally,  a wonderful fellow blogger stopped by and showed me some love but also posed a great question:

I love this post. I am still trying to get over a 5 year on and off relationship and I can say it is one of the most challenging things to do. I just read this post now and it really hit home with me. The guy I was seeing is now in a happy relationship and at first I hated him for it, I wanted him to be miserable with me. But then I took a step back and saw that I too can be that happy. It won’t be with him, but it will be with someone else.I have to ask you though, how were you able to disconnect yourself completely from him? I still every now and then “check up” on my ex (facebook, etc.) and I still can feel myself deep down missing him. Heartbreak sucks right?

So I figured I would devote an entire post to answering this question because, it’s worth that if not more.  I may revisit it at a later date and post because there is so much richness in this but I will just focus on the question asked.  And while I do not have all the answers, here goes nothing…

They say that misery loves company but in reality, misery loves miserable company.  I know that feeling all too well.  These are some of the steps I took to disconnect, in no particular order (ok maybe there is an order after all lol).

DISCONNECTING FROM YOUR EX IN 10 EASY STEPS*:

  1. THERAPY.
  2. THERAPY.                                                                                                                                                                                              No, all jokes aside.  Consult a professional if you need to.  Your friends and family may get tired of hearing about this and face it, 5 years of on and off again you have a lot of unpacking to do.  Why not pay a professional to hear you out and help you identify some patterns and set some goals with you.  It helps big time!!!
  3. I changed my number.  This denied him access to me whenever he felt he may have wanted to say hi and prohibited me from contacting him because that would defeat the purpose of me paying a fee to change my number. 🙂
  4. I deactivated my Facebook account.  No lie.  I couldn’t control myself either. But each time I “checked up” on him I was only hurting myself because I was seeing images of him and his wife and I had to ask myself why am I even doing this to myself!!
  5. I threw away everything that reminded me of him.  Old tee-shirts he gave me, his old boxers I used to wear… you get the drift, closed our joint bank account.
  6. I found some pride and ego within me. I told myself that I don’t want him to get the satisfaction of knowing that I still loved him and wanted him and still thought about him.  WHAT GOOD WOULD IT DO??? HE’S A MARRIED MAN!!  This really helped me disconnect.  I wanted to prove to myself and to him that my life could be so much better without him.
  7. Gave myself permission to move on and be happy.  I think a lot of time we tell ourselves by holding on we are showing how much we love that person and how much they meant to us but love for yourself is revealed in letting go, because you can’t move on until you let go.  I told myself it would be pathetic of me to waste any mental and emotional energy on a man who had obviously moved on with his life. I took a lesson from him.  He moved on (and quickly at that without considering me or how I felt) and why should he, he has to do what is best for him and his life.  I also have that right and responsibility.
  8. I asked myself some tough questions. Is it really HIM you miss, or do you miss the company and the perks of a romantic RELATIONSHIP?
  9. I focused on the reality of the situation.  I reminded myself of all the reasons our relationship didn’t work.  And the fact that he was MARRIED.  There is no turning back.  What good would me focusing any attention on him do?  We had our shot at an “us” and we blew it.  If it mattered and was successful and met both of our needs the way it was supposed to, we would have still been together.  The fact that we aren’t and it didn’t speaks volumes.
  10. Find an activity partner.                                                                                                                                                        Seriously, find a member of the opposite sex that you can befriend.  Someone who you are not attracted so you don’t end up in a rebound situation and sleeping with someone to fill some type of void.  But someone whose company you enjoy and can do things with you, who you enjoy being around, makes you laugh and who enjoys your company as well.  This really helps big time.  It helps you relate to a male in a non romantic way and gives you a buddy you can talk to and it doesn’t even have to be anything heavy.  You don’t have to tell him all your business either.
  11. And since therapy was listed twice.  Here is the 10th one.  Distraction  (blogging, exercising, belly dancing classes, work, etc.).  You need some activities to do to break up that thinking about your ex.  And begin creating a life for yourself that you look forward to and enjoy!

*What made this process a little easier for me is that my ex lived in another state so there was not this possibility of running into him anywhere thankfully.  But if you do share a state of residence, you may want to avoid places you know he frequents at least for a couple of months so you can build your emotional muscle.

Remember it is a process!!!!!!!!!  Progress is very rarely a linear process.  You have ups and you have downs but each down leaves you a little higher up than where you started.  Heart-break is what you make it!  It is a journey and hopefully one that leaves to a renewed sense of who you are, what you want in a relationship, what you deserve,what you have to offer and what areas you can improve about yourself.

Hope this helps!  If it doesn’t let me know.  😉

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