Tag Archives: change

Blog Identify Crisis

17 Sep

As you all know, this blog was started as a result of… well you can read about it here.imagesCAJZPNE0

With me starting to work again at the top of the month, in addition to taking some Master’s classes, let’s just say the frequency with which I can post has, well, declined significantly.

I truly miss you all.

And as if that were not enough to complicate this blogging thing, my perspectives, focus, and considerations have changed considerably.  Which I am ecstatic, grateful and overjoyed about.

I honestly didn’t think I could be happy without my ex and that I would never love again.  I thought I couldn’t find happiness knowing he had moved on, and so suddenly at that.   I remember contacting him after finding out he had got married to congratulate him (oh I forgot to post that post huh?  my bad :-D).  He responded by telling me he hoped I was happy.  I remember wondering, how can I be happy when you just got married?  But I can say that at this point in my life his dealings are no longer a consideration of mine.  I really don’t even want to be identified with any thing him related nor do I want to talk about or even reference him.  There is ZERO animosity, hatred, bitterness, etc.  I just understand that I still have so much life left to live and that a life without him can also equal a life that was even better than the life I had when I was with him.  I don’t spend too much time looking back anymore and the sadness that used to consume me when I did, no longer does.

While I started this blog under the premise that I was mostly responsible for the “failure” of my last relationship, I was intent on correcting all my wrongs, in the hopes that… what?  I wouldn’t make the same mistakes again?  And there is merit to that.  I am a whole lot more cautious about how I approach relationships.  I understand that it all starts in your head- how you think about relationships and yourself.  I don’t see things falling apart as SOLELY my fault now.  Just something that happens when you are with someone you shouldn’t be with.  Things fall apart when they aren’t strong enough to last.  Things break so you can buy new things.  Even better things.  Relationships are no different.

Yet now I’m confused.

While I still have loads of content to contribute to the theme of the blog (more content than I have time to get to now), I would prefer to write about other things.  Still relationship related.  Just not “my ex” related.  Taking the advice of Oldmoaner52 (which you can read here) and writing to a more hopeful future, one that is filled with happiness (whether I’m in a relationship or not) and then also charting any new developments for me in this area of love.  <— Never thought I’d say that!!! Oh my!!!

Where do broken hearts go?  They are restored.  They heal.  They are rejuvenated.  They learn to love again.

Healing from a broken heart is a real place.  It is attainable.  And it is a wonderful feeling!

Stay tuned.

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#18: Don’t Get Rid of Baggage

15 Aug

Or should I say luggage?  Either way…baggage

Unresolved issues from past relationships?  From your childhood?

Haven’t let go of past hurts and disappointments?

Poor modeling from your parents’ relationship?

Daddy issues, mommy issues, sibling issues?

Issues!

My, my, my, what shall we do with all these issues?

Ok, let’s see now… Try to resolve them on your own?

No, that’s not it.

Take some sort of responsibility to lessen some of it?

Nah.

I got it!

Bright idea alert:  drag all of that into your relationship!  And hold on to them for dear life!!!
Everything every guy you have ever dated did to wrong you…

…take it out on your new guy.

Hold him responsible and make him pay for it.

After all, it is somehow his fault too right?  I guess by virtue of him being a dude.

That’s right.  “Everyone has baggage, so find someone who is willing to help you unpack,” is how the saying goes.

And since that is the case, give no thought to unpacking ANY of your own baggage.  Weigh him down and yourself down with the enormous amount of stuff that you are carrying around (fear, bitterness, anger, hurt, resentment).

Who needs to work through some of their own emotional issues when you can leave that up to the person you get into a relationship with?funny bag    Why not just subject him to all your 2,000 parts… of baggage of course.

This is sure to do oodles of good to you and your character and in turn make being around you a pleasure.

Even airplanes have a limit to the amount of weight they can carry on planes and while the first one is free, you better believe there is a price for each additional item you check.  What price do we and our relationships pay for all the (unnecessary) baggage we bring into it?

#15: Have Unrealistic Expectations…

8 Aug

…about everything.

expectationsAbout how much he should contact you   (24/7 duh!)

About the fact that he is supposed to be able to read your mind.  (He is supposed to know why we’re upset even if we don’t say).

Expect him to do everything you tell him to do when you tell him to do it  (why should we ever have to remind him???)

Even expect his breath to smell like roses in the morning. (Before he has had a chance to brush)

Because you are entitled to your expectations…

And it is very realistic to expect someone to live up to every single last one of them.

And then when he doesn’t live up to them be upset and disappointed with him.  After all your disappointment can somehow always be traced back to HIM (and not your expectations).

And then exhaust all your efforts trying to change him and never, ever even think about changing your expectations.

Compromise?  *Gasp* No, no, no, no, no.  Refuse to budge.

Question some of our expectations?  Not a chance.  Expect 100% and don’t settle for anything less than that.  Don’t accept no for an answer.

Everything you just read... believe the opposite!

Everything you just read… believe the opposite… if  you want a ruined relationship.

There are perfect men out there.  Fairy tales, they do come true.

Don’t pay attention to the good qualities your man has, instead focus on the things you always expected a man to do for you.  Measure his love for you by all the movies you see.

If you push him away, he’s supposed to chase after you even harder,right.

He’s supposed to show up at the airport to stop you from leaving or to come with you.

That’s how it happens in the movies.  Why should we expect our lives to be any different?

However, please be advised If you are not willing to rethink some of your expectations, especially the unrealistic ones, you are in for a rude awakening.

<—————-Reality check  cool

#13: Have a Temper Tantrum

1 Aug

sbSince relationships are nothing more than sandboxes where you play and sometimes don’t get your way, throwing tantrums are sure to resolve this issue.  I mean, it always seemed to work as kids.   Since we are adults, no reason to think it wouldn’t work now, right?  Try it out and see how far it gets you.
Kick.
Scream.
Pout.
Stomp.
Sulk.

Yell.

Cry.

Whine.

And go on and on and on and on and……
One attractive, mature gesture after the other.

If you need a tutorial please watch below and emulate whenever possible:

Consider your relationship… RUINED.

#12: Refuse to Be Happy

31 Jul
Not good enough!

Not good enough!

With everything he does.

If he takes you out for dinner and a movie… be upset with him for not topping it off with flowers. 

If he cooks you breakfast, be upset that he spilled pancake batter all over the counter and didn’t clean it up and the fact that he did not do the dishes, also.

And if he does decide to clean up around the house, white glove test it ladies.  Complain about the spots he missed.

If he buys you a doughnut, look at the hole in the center and complain that there is a piece of doughnut missing.  Focus on the hole and disregard the doughnutty goodness surrounding the hole.  Do this with everything he does.

After all, he is supposed to be jumping through rings of fire for us ladies if we ask him too.  And after he does complain that he smells like smoke!

Become impossible to please.

Inspect everything, expect perfection and always look for the downfall and then keep demanding more.

Because the goal is ladies that one day he will get it 100% correct.  That he will just keep trying to please us and finally get our stamp of approval.

You have a better chance at achieving this objective by refusing to be happy as opposed to acknowledging and appreciating his efforts.

Chances are once he’s sick and tired of this and leaves you, you still won’t be happy.

There’s a small possibility that, maybe just maybe, happiness needs to start within.  Or that it’s all his fault….

#11: Bad Mouth Him

29 Jul
bad mouth

Did you just say I’m pissing myself off?!
The nerve of you.

For any and every little thing he does…  and doesn’t do.

Best if done behind his back.   It makes things so much more wonderfully uncomfortable when you two decide to have get together’s with all the people you painted him as a monster to.

Bad mouth him in your own head, under your breath, out-loud, with friends, family, co-workers, strangers at the coffee shop or bar. Just about anyone who will listen. After all he is low down and dirty and should not have done what he did, said what he said, acted the way he did.  And it’s your job to single-handedly tell the whole world.  So much for just keeping things between the two of you.   Pffft.  Who does that?!

Just piss yourself off all over again and everyone around you by recollecting his latest mistakes and wrongs.

This is sure to do wonders for the good feelings you have toward him.  It should just add to your appreciation for him for all the times he tried, tires, continues to try and all the things he does “right”.  Those do exist don’t they?  But who wants to talk about that when you can just focus on the bad stuff.  That’s infinitely more entertaining isn’t it?

You should even start to keep a list of all the things he did to piss you off, carry it around so that as soon as you spot someone who is willing to listen or another group of women bad mouthing their men,  just pull it out and start going down the list.  Check em off as you go, underline the ones you need to continually revisit.

Organize outings with your friends specifically designed to trash him because he got you upset.  And then get angry with them when they ask why  you even bother to stay with him if he is so terrible.

The objective is, to get things off your chest because what else do you do with all the anger you are feeling than to gain support from other women who will take your side.

Who cares that you will leave behind a trail of people who hate him because they “see how much he hurts you” when you decide that you are “on again”.

Another great strategy ladies because bad mouthing him behind his back helps you and everyone you talk to fall infinitely more in love with him!

#7: Be “On Again” and then “Off Again”…

24 Jul

And then on againonoff.

And off again.

Every other week.
No, even better, every other day.  And if you can’t go a couple of hours without a change in your relationship status, I mean you are really just doing superbly.

One minute you two are doing well, the next minute, not so much.  Try pulling this one regularly especially if  you are involved in a long distance relationship.

And did I mention this is the very best way to have a relationship? The instability of it all does wonders to counteract the monotony of it all.  Wouldn’t you agree?  The indecisiveness is sure to get that adrenalin pumping.  This is exactly the type of inconsistency that is needed to create a healthy and productive relationship.

When you’re “on” make plans with him and tell him to write important dates and events in his planner to do with you and then a couple minutes later when you decide you want to be “off” again, tell him to forget it.  Scratch that.  Forget you asked.

After all, who doesn’t love a good roller coaster ride?  Why not model your relationship after one!  Who cares that people get sick on and of those things, get nauseous.  Let the roller coaster ride of relationships begin and persist.

Sitcoms?

Dramas anyone?

Why not make your relationship the star of one.

Blur the lines of your coupledom so much so that you don’t even know if you are on the “on again” or “off again” day.  Allow this to cause so much confusion so that the only Facebook status that will suffice to sum up your relationship is:  It’s Complicated.  And so that when all your friends see you together they scratch their heads thinking:  I thought they were broken up.

But just watch out because any rubber-band stretched too far will eventually pop.

Any light switch tampered with excessively for the fun of it, is sure to result in a blown fuse.

But relationships?  People and their emotions?  Ah, just keep pushing the limits, pushing buttons.  They’ll just last forever no matter what- they are unbreakable.