Tag Archives: blogging

The ABC’s of A New Year

1 Jan

Happy New Year’s to you all!!!!  new yearThe image is a generic list of words for anyone for the new year.   How about we personalize it?  Think of the new year and list as many words as you can that describe your thoughts, hopes, dreams, and goals for the new year.  You can leave any letter blank that you can’t come up with something for and fill it in as the year progresses.  Try it and let me know what you come up with.  Here’s mine:

Alertness

Budgeting

Creativity

Determination

Effectiveness/Efficiency

Focus

Good health

Habits

I

J

K

Language

M

Niche

O

P

Q

Restaurant

Sophistication

Time management

U

V

World-renowned

X

Y

Zeal

Ok this is all I have so far.

Additionally,  a wonderful fellow blogger stopped by and showed me some love but also posed a great question:

I love this post. I am still trying to get over a 5 year on and off relationship and I can say it is one of the most challenging things to do. I just read this post now and it really hit home with me. The guy I was seeing is now in a happy relationship and at first I hated him for it, I wanted him to be miserable with me. But then I took a step back and saw that I too can be that happy. It won’t be with him, but it will be with someone else.I have to ask you though, how were you able to disconnect yourself completely from him? I still every now and then “check up” on my ex (facebook, etc.) and I still can feel myself deep down missing him. Heartbreak sucks right?

So I figured I would devote an entire post to answering this question because, it’s worth that if not more.  I may revisit it at a later date and post because there is so much richness in this but I will just focus on the question asked.  And while I do not have all the answers, here goes nothing…

They say that misery loves company but in reality, misery loves miserable company.  I know that feeling all too well.  These are some of the steps I took to disconnect, in no particular order (ok maybe there is an order after all lol).

DISCONNECTING FROM YOUR EX IN 10 EASY STEPS*:

  1. THERAPY.
  2. THERAPY.                                                                                                                                                                                              No, all jokes aside.  Consult a professional if you need to.  Your friends and family may get tired of hearing about this and face it, 5 years of on and off again you have a lot of unpacking to do.  Why not pay a professional to hear you out and help you identify some patterns and set some goals with you.  It helps big time!!!
  3. I changed my number.  This denied him access to me whenever he felt he may have wanted to say hi and prohibited me from contacting him because that would defeat the purpose of me paying a fee to change my number. 🙂
  4. I deactivated my Facebook account.  No lie.  I couldn’t control myself either. But each time I “checked up” on him I was only hurting myself because I was seeing images of him and his wife and I had to ask myself why am I even doing this to myself!!
  5. I threw away everything that reminded me of him.  Old tee-shirts he gave me, his old boxers I used to wear… you get the drift, closed our joint bank account.
  6. I found some pride and ego within me. I told myself that I don’t want him to get the satisfaction of knowing that I still loved him and wanted him and still thought about him.  WHAT GOOD WOULD IT DO??? HE’S A MARRIED MAN!!  This really helped me disconnect.  I wanted to prove to myself and to him that my life could be so much better without him.
  7. Gave myself permission to move on and be happy.  I think a lot of time we tell ourselves by holding on we are showing how much we love that person and how much they meant to us but love for yourself is revealed in letting go, because you can’t move on until you let go.  I told myself it would be pathetic of me to waste any mental and emotional energy on a man who had obviously moved on with his life. I took a lesson from him.  He moved on (and quickly at that without considering me or how I felt) and why should he, he has to do what is best for him and his life.  I also have that right and responsibility.
  8. I asked myself some tough questions. Is it really HIM you miss, or do you miss the company and the perks of a romantic RELATIONSHIP?
  9. I focused on the reality of the situation.  I reminded myself of all the reasons our relationship didn’t work.  And the fact that he was MARRIED.  There is no turning back.  What good would me focusing any attention on him do?  We had our shot at an “us” and we blew it.  If it mattered and was successful and met both of our needs the way it was supposed to, we would have still been together.  The fact that we aren’t and it didn’t speaks volumes.
  10. Find an activity partner.                                                                                                                                                        Seriously, find a member of the opposite sex that you can befriend.  Someone who you are not attracted so you don’t end up in a rebound situation and sleeping with someone to fill some type of void.  But someone whose company you enjoy and can do things with you, who you enjoy being around, makes you laugh and who enjoys your company as well.  This really helps big time.  It helps you relate to a male in a non romantic way and gives you a buddy you can talk to and it doesn’t even have to be anything heavy.  You don’t have to tell him all your business either.
  11. And since therapy was listed twice.  Here is the 10th one.  Distraction  (blogging, exercising, belly dancing classes, work, etc.).  You need some activities to do to break up that thinking about your ex.  And begin creating a life for yourself that you look forward to and enjoy!

*What made this process a little easier for me is that my ex lived in another state so there was not this possibility of running into him anywhere thankfully.  But if you do share a state of residence, you may want to avoid places you know he frequents at least for a couple of months so you can build your emotional muscle.

Remember it is a process!!!!!!!!!  Progress is very rarely a linear process.  You have ups and you have downs but each down leaves you a little higher up than where you started.  Heart-break is what you make it!  It is a journey and hopefully one that leaves to a renewed sense of who you are, what you want in a relationship, what you deserve,what you have to offer and what areas you can improve about yourself.

Hope this helps!  If it doesn’t let me know.  😉

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Two Scoops of Goodness

28 Dec

…or three or four….   What I’d like to call combining several random separate blog posts into one extra long post.  If you haven’t noticed I have been away for a looooooong time.  I have a lot of catching up to do.  I feel I owed my fans a double whammy as a result.  So you will get my apology for staying away so long, some cool lists and a blog themed post.  I know, I know, you are thrilled.  Don’t wderrick roseorry you don’t even have to contain your enthusiasm.   🙂  Special shout out to Dax over at Hi, My Name is Dax… and I’m a Dateaholic for unintentionally calling me out of retirement with his post Not Going Into Retirement.    When I read this, I knew I had to get back in the game.  Had I had any sports knowledge I would have displayed that expertise and brilliance here, instead a picture of some athlete (who I don’t even know) who looks like he is waiting to get back into the game (of a sport I am also even unaware of although the bull makes me think basketball) will suffice.

Reasons for Unintentional Retirement:

1. Work:  This takes up 80% of my time and life right now.  Which I am not complaining about.  I love what I do.

2. School:  This also takes up 80% of my time.  With reading 500 page books and writing 500 paged papers.   Oh my I can hardly wait until this part of my life is over.

3. Social Life:  20% of my time is spent trying to have some semblance of a social life.  Which I have become more successful at as of late because I found an “activity partner”.  Someone suggested this to me and I scoffed at the idea and concept because as an adult the only activity people are looking to do is….  well, I actually found someone who is willing with the no time we have left, to just hang out platonically which is cool.

If you notice my percentages are grossly off.  Of this I am fully aware.  Needless to say, time to blog and keep up with all of you… 0%.

On another note, ‘Yonce and her new album… loving it.  My top three tracks are (in no particular order)…..

1. Rocket Love  (fav line:  I do it like it’s my profession)

2.  Mine (fav line:  stop making big deals out little things)

3.  Jealous (fav line:  that ain’t nothing, I’m just jealous, I’m just human)

Speaking of what makes one human, this thought came to me:  Who are you at your best and worse?  And the infamous Marilyn Monroe quote inevitably came to mind:

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.”

Made me want to create my own.

At my best I am/can be:

1.  Giving:  I really love sharing things with people:  my time, my cooking, my things, gifts (when it is not grossly inconvenient and/or being taken advantage of or unappreciated) and I do for the most part enjoy making other people happy.   I don’t keep score with how much I have given, or who’s turn it is to give either

2.  Loving:  When I love, I love deeply and basically there is nothing I wouldn’t do for you.  Supportive, encouraging, understanding… all that good stuff

3.  Creative:  It’s a mode I wish I operated in more but creativity is basically life.  It gives you this fire and passion and new perspective and drives one to accomplish great things

At my worse I am/ can be:

1.  Unforgiving:  Especially when I’m wounded or hurt by you, aww man

2.  Stubborn:  There aren’t very many things I am dead set on, and for that reason I am pretty flexible, but the few things I am adamant about… watch out

3.  Moody:  I dislike this most of all.  Hunger, fatigue, and that time of the month can off set a very bad mood and it’s one of the most unpleasant things

I’d be interested what things come up for you guys! Feel free to comment with it, or create a new post and just tag me in it.   I guess the things that make your “At Your Best” list are the things you want to explore more in the new year, how do you get there, stay there and live there.  Your “At Your Worse” list are the things you work on, recognizing your triggers and managing them.

And lastly, my sis sent me this cool thing that I ‘ll post for you guys.  What are the first three words you see?

The first three words will be what you have in the new year

The first three words you see, will be what you have in the new year

 

My three words for the new year:  Freedom, intelligence and money!!!  Happy New Year’s Guys!!!

Versatile Blogger Award, I Could Cry

29 Aug

versatile-blogger-award-imageSo……

Had I just not posted an entry about crying, I would do just that but….  considering that I just did……

I think I’ll just say thank you soooooooo much!!!

Audrey dearest over at Like Crazy, thank you so much again for your kindness and thinking enough of me to include me in on this one as well.  You rock!

Here are the rules:

Display the Award Certificate on your blog.
Announce your win with a post. Make sure you post a link back to me as a ‘thank you’ for the nomination.
Present 15 awards to 15 deserving bloggers.
Leave them a comment to let them know after you have linked them to a post.
Post 7 interesting things about yourself.

Seven “Interesting” Things about Me:

  1. While I don’t sing nearly as often as I used to, I have sang the National Anthem at two hockey games before
  2. I tried out for America’s Next Top Model when they did 5′ 7” and under and made it though to the second round!
  3. I believe that fashion sense is a sixth sense (one that I could use a whole lot more of, hence my appreciation for those of you with fashion blogs and why I find Project Runway intriguing).
  4. While my mother is Puerto Rican (and my dad is African American) people usually just take me to be a light skinned black girl and my lack of knowledge of the Spanish language does not help at all
  5. I have driven a total of 15 hours straight by myself and crossed from one time zone in the US to another
  6. I have been blogging for 5 years and have had two other blogs before this one
  7. I have yet to travel outside of the continental U.S.

My Nominees (Yay now I can nominate people who I love with potentially more than 200 followers):

  1. Nikkyslovecorner
  2. Truth’s Unveiling
  3. College Thrive
  4. 30 dates by 30
  5. Social Life With Jewel
  6. Style Me B.A.D.
  7. Hello Beautiful
  8. The Better Man Project
  9. Still Learning to Be
  10. Almost 30-Something
  11. Confessions of a Love Addict
  12. BDevereaux
  13. Kate Styled Pretty
  14. Sex and the Cincy
  15. Lady Romp

What a way to wrap up the month!  Thank you guys for all your support and loyalty and comments and likes and nominations.  It truly means the absolute world to me!!!!

Announcing 2nd Liebster Award :O

26 Aug

liebster-awardHuge shout out to Jeneration Life who thought enough of little ol’ me to nominate me for this award.  Her blog is extremely thoughtful, encouraging and loaded with inspirational tidbits on a variety of subjects (from life to love) that is sure to keep you  going back for more.  Be sure to check her out here.

What can I say, except that I am deeply honored and overjoyed at this, the second nomination for the Liebster Award.  Maybe the second time around will be the charm (especially since I won’t be eligible once I get more than 200 followers!  🙂    This award after, is designed to recognize up and coming blogs with less that 200 followers because let’s face it, we have some pretty terrific stuff going on on our sites too yunno; as my nominees will also prove!!! 🙂

To All My Nominees:  The Liebster Award Rules:  
You must link back the person who nominated you.  (Jeneration Life, you rock!!!)
You must answer the 10 Liebster questions given to you by the nominee before you. (Some of them were tough, but I managed :-))
You must pick 10 bloggers to be nominated for the award with under 200 followers (Made some pretty good suggestions 😀 they all rock)
You must come up with 10 questions for your nominees to answer. (Got em)
You must go to their blogs and notify your nominees. (Ah yes the toughest part ;-))

The questions I had to answer:

1. You are on a deserted island, what 3 things would you choose to have with you?

I’ll keep it real basic:  music, notepad, writing instrument (preferably Uniball pens in a variety of colors :-))

2. What are your 3 favorite all time books?

I must confess I usually do not read books for entertainment purposes (I read blogs for that).  Books are usually for informational /personal growth/motivational purposes:

100 Ways to Motivate Yourself: Change Your Life Forever

Six Attitudes for Winners

Happiness Is…

3. What drives you to write? Meaning, what gives you that fire?

Everyday life experiences.  Seeing the same old things in new ways and sharing these insights with other people.

4. How do you wish your blog to be in a year?

Very hard to answer this question.  Hmmm… a very well known blog, referenced with regard to relationships, a book…. idk.  But come to think of it, after just watching the VMA’s like we need one of those award shows for bloggers.  And if we did get one, yeah I’d like one for this blog a year from now 😀

(WordPress. Make. It. Happen)

5. What ways are you trying to build up an audience for your blog, if any.

Visiting and reading other people’s blogs, giving credit where credit is due and leaving comments on others pages if I see something I like or enjoyed (people are usually kind enough to return the favor).  Oh yes and bullying everyone who knows me into reading my blog and telling all their friends about it 🙂

6. What do you think of blogging so far?

I have had several other blogs and have been blogging for ahhh let’s just say 5 years (previous blog if you are interested: The Boo-Less Life) but I love it and this one is by far the one that I have enjoyed the most and have gotten the most support for.  I love blogging.  The community and support you get from readers and fellow bloggers is nothing short of AMAZING.

7. If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

I’m just going to say Hawaii because who wouldn’t want to live there and it’s never gonna happen. lol

8. Name 3 things on your bucket list.

  1. Visit Puerto Rico
  2. Write a book
  3. Produce a hit single

9. What was the initial reason you started blogging?

To get things out of my system without having to drive those closest to me insane because I want to keep talking about the same things. LOL.

10. What is your favorite topic to write about?

Why, love of course.

Nominees, these people rock and always have something entertaining, insightful and informative going on:

  1. Be the Love of Life
  2. Wandering Angel
  3. For When Love Starts to Hurt
  4. Social Life With Jewel
  5. Rinse and/or Repeat
  6. Out of My Element
  7. Oldmoaner52’s Blog
  8. AJ5911’s Blog
  9. I Need This In My Life
  10. I am Out there Somewhere

Questions:

  1. Who is one person you really enjoy spending time with?
  2. One thing you (can) do for yourself everyday that (would) make(s) you happy?
  3. What is a bad habit of yours?
  4. What is something you are proud of yourself for?
  5. One thing you like most about your blog/blogging?
  6. Something very many people do not know about you?
  7. Something you accomplished that you thought you wouldn’t be able to?
  8. If you were an actor/actress and had to perform a crying scene, what would you think about to help you cry on the spot?
  9. Maya Angelou said:  “I’ve learned that you can tell a lot about a person by the way (s)he handles these three things: a rainy day, lost luggage, and tangled Christmas tree lights.”  What three things do you think can tell you a lot about a person?
  10. Agree or disagree:  Your happiness is directly connected to the speed of your internet connection?

And there you have it folks.  I would really love to Taylor Swift this thing yunno, thank the guy that led me to get a blog award!! 😀

Celebrating 1 Month, 100 Likes and Followers

19 Aug

About a month ago, I started this blog.adele

At the same time,  a month ago, my ex got married.  (Please don’t judge me).

[Side note:  In case you didn’t know:

  • Number of months since I last saw/spent time with him:  4
  • Number of months ago that we last discussed reconsidering marriage:  3
  • Number of months after we “officially” ended things that he got married: 3
  • Number of days ago that I closed our joint account:  2
  • Number of things left to dispose of that remind me of him:  1 pair of extremely comfy boxers]

And while the inception of this blog was a very bitter one, YOU ALL have been making it that much sweeter.

Truth of the matter is I never imagined in a million years that Adele’s hit single, Someone Like You, would become the soundtrack of my life.  Never imagined I would feel that way about anyone until… him.  (Heck, I was kinda glad to get rid of the other exes, truth be told).

I never thought I would even think about pulling an Adele, like seriously, turning up out of the blue uninvited to tell him it’s not over for you even after he is married and has already moved on?

Like get a life.  Seriously…

Better yet get a new man…

Leave him alone…

(This is how I used to think)

But… you live… you love… and sometimes you lose people that you love before death does you part.  Sometimes for reasons you can’t control and other times for reasons you caused.  And when love hurts, then songs like hers make perfect sense.

And if you’re lucky enough you can make some type of fame, fortune, success or a really good hit song out it (or in my case a blog :-D)

So as I celebrate one month of blogging here I have to celebrate you my readers, followers, fans and friends!!!baloons

THANK YOU ALL!!!!

Your support through this time has been invaluable!!! (Can’t believe people actually read this stuff.  You guys so rock for that!!!)

Now the good stuff.  Some blog stats I am proud to share (in one month’s time):

  • Number of Followers:  124
  • Number of Likes:  100
  • Number of Views:  1,076
  • Most views in one day:  88
  • Top Three Posts:
  1. Be Selfish (12 Likes)
  2. Compare Him to Other Men (9 Likes)
  3. Refuse to Be Happy (8 Likes)
  • Top Two Most Commented on Posts:
  1. About-How to Ruin Got Started:  13 comments
  2. Hang Up on Him:  7 comments
  • Top Posts my Mom Laughed the Hardest at while reading: (she could relate to them the most lol)
  1. Hang Up on Him
  2. Let Yourself Go
  • Published a total of :  21 Posts
  • Total Number of Comments:  60 (mine included :-))

(Special shout out to those nominees who so graciously responded: College Thrive, Truth’s Unveiling, Some Fabulous Chick’s Blog)

(To those nominees who are so busy being so wonderful: ThingsmyexsaidTanara McCauley, Single, Not HopelessFLAWSOME GLAMOf Fries and Men, Date Laugh Repeat, 1 Year of Single I still think you are wonderful. I’m. Still. Waiting ;-))

And like Adele, there are some things I’ll remember he said

  • In love you have to choose your battles (everything can’t be an argument).
  • Don’t be a victim (acknowledge the part you play in things and the choices you make).
  • The only thing better than being single is being with the right person and the only thing better than being with the wrong person is being single.
  • Don’t tell someone you’re leaving if you really don’t intend on leaving.

And there you have it folks.  The run down.  One month and counting for How To Ruin A Relationship… but ehh who’s counting?