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#23: Be a Drama Queen

19 Oct

And by drama queen I mean, one who:drama

  • Makes a big deal out of every little thing
  • Is governed and ruled by her emotions
  • Has to be the center of attention
  • Is spoiled and has to have her way… or else
  • Has a problem with every thing and every one
  • Is or thinks one should be “turnt up” on a regular basis

These all the top qualities that a man looks for in a woman by the way.  These attributes make a women attractive, admirable, and wanted!!!

What more would a man want to do than to spend the rest of his life with a woman who has consistently proven that mountains must be made out of every molehill or else the world is just flat!

Men will gladly sign up for the headaches, high blood pressure, extreme highs and lows and the sheer fatigue that comes along with a woman who is  just dramatic to the bone.

Another mark of a drama queen is that she is usually highly involved in other people’s business and has lots of opinions about them and always thinks everyone is in her business.   Oh yes, I forgot to mention being consumed with other people’s lives and obsessed with image and the opinions of others is the route everyone takes who wants to have success in love and relationships.

And people say drama queen is a term used to glamorize and sugar coat someone who is emotionally immature, potentially unstable and who lacks discipline.

Pfffffft.  They better not be talking about me either because if they are, there is going to be a problem!!!!  Like, who are “they” anyway.   “They” need to mind their business.

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Blog Identify Crisis

17 Sep

As you all know, this blog was started as a result of… well you can read about it here.imagesCAJZPNE0

With me starting to work again at the top of the month, in addition to taking some Master’s classes, let’s just say the frequency with which I can post has, well, declined significantly.

I truly miss you all.

And as if that were not enough to complicate this blogging thing, my perspectives, focus, and considerations have changed considerably.  Which I am ecstatic, grateful and overjoyed about.

I honestly didn’t think I could be happy without my ex and that I would never love again.  I thought I couldn’t find happiness knowing he had moved on, and so suddenly at that.   I remember contacting him after finding out he had got married to congratulate him (oh I forgot to post that post huh?  my bad :-D).  He responded by telling me he hoped I was happy.  I remember wondering, how can I be happy when you just got married?  But I can say that at this point in my life his dealings are no longer a consideration of mine.  I really don’t even want to be identified with any thing him related nor do I want to talk about or even reference him.  There is ZERO animosity, hatred, bitterness, etc.  I just understand that I still have so much life left to live and that a life without him can also equal a life that was even better than the life I had when I was with him.  I don’t spend too much time looking back anymore and the sadness that used to consume me when I did, no longer does.

While I started this blog under the premise that I was mostly responsible for the “failure” of my last relationship, I was intent on correcting all my wrongs, in the hopes that… what?  I wouldn’t make the same mistakes again?  And there is merit to that.  I am a whole lot more cautious about how I approach relationships.  I understand that it all starts in your head- how you think about relationships and yourself.  I don’t see things falling apart as SOLELY my fault now.  Just something that happens when you are with someone you shouldn’t be with.  Things fall apart when they aren’t strong enough to last.  Things break so you can buy new things.  Even better things.  Relationships are no different.

Yet now I’m confused.

While I still have loads of content to contribute to the theme of the blog (more content than I have time to get to now), I would prefer to write about other things.  Still relationship related.  Just not “my ex” related.  Taking the advice of Oldmoaner52 (which you can read here) and writing to a more hopeful future, one that is filled with happiness (whether I’m in a relationship or not) and then also charting any new developments for me in this area of love.  <— Never thought I’d say that!!! Oh my!!!

Where do broken hearts go?  They are restored.  They heal.  They are rejuvenated.  They learn to love again.

Healing from a broken heart is a real place.  It is attainable.  And it is a wonderful feeling!

Stay tuned.

#20: Cry

28 Aug
cry

Go on and cry him a river girl (thanks Justin)

All the time.

For everything.

Any where.  Anytime.  In front of any and everyone.

Do this instead of talking.

In fact, don’t even tell him why you’re crying.

Just sob.

If he says he doesn’t like how your food came out, just start crying.

If you feel he doesn’t spend enough time with you, cry.

When you don’t know what else to do…

When you don’t know what else to say…

When all else fails… just cry.

Make sure it is a real ugly looking cry too, don’t try to be cute with it than it will look too staged.

If you want attention.  You want him to put his arm around you and ask you what’s wrong.

Just start boo-hooing.

And then when he asks you what’s wrong, just tell him the truth and say “Oh it’s nothing”.

He’ll think you are withholding something and keep asking you when really, nothing is wrong.

Want to stop or win an argument?  Start crying.

Crying will allow you do:

  1. Distract from a real issue or
  2. Manipulate him into doing what you want

Release the water works.

He will never get sick of this or frustrated in the least bit.

He will think your cry baby tendencies are endearing and just want to be around you more and more.

Because this is what mature, grown women do!

And we understand that mature grown men expect this of their women and don’t know how else to respond to a woman crying but than to just give in to what she wants to make the crying stop.  Mission accomplished:  getting your way!!!

**Applause**

**Standing O**

And when that happens just go on and take your bow.

And people thought excessive crying was just a sign of immaturity or emotionally instability… pffffftttt.

#19: Planning Your Break-Up?

24 Aug

So, no I have never done this but I mean this is like…. it.  This is a better idea than I would have been able to come up with independently for coupleruining a relationship but exactly what happens in the movie called Breaking Upwards that I watched the other day.

So either I’m extremely late and you all know about this movie and have watched it a thousand times, or I’m just about to introduce one of the best movies about relationships to you and potentially give you the relationship, ahem I mean  show stopper with regard to how to ruin your relationships (as if the ones I have provided already haven’t worked. :-))

You can thank me later.

Breaking Upward Steps: 

  1. Party 1 decides the relationship isn’t working for them anymore (for whatever reason:  boredom, need to grow, it’s not them it’s you, or it is in fact them and not you) and proposes that they need to break up, but incrementally
  2. Party 1 and Party 2 decide what days of the week they will see each other and communicate and what days out of the week each party is free to do what they please (this includes seeing other people, not informing the other party and absolutely no communication)
  3. Enjoy each others company on days on (complete with family engagements, parties, business as usual, etc.).  Discussion of things done and with whom on days off completely optional.
  4. “Do you” as if you were single on days off (turn it up, on, etc).
  5. Reconvene after specified amount of time to discuss where you two should go from here (get back into a REAL relationship, continue with the on/off days or terminate all together).

Basically it is planned, allowed and condoned cheating until both parties are involved with someone else and then you two go your separate ways and the opposite of cold turkey break-ups.

See Trailer here.  Um only thing is it came out in 2009:

Celebrating 1 Month, 100 Likes and Followers

19 Aug

About a month ago, I started this blog.adele

At the same time,  a month ago, my ex got married.  (Please don’t judge me).

[Side note:  In case you didn’t know:

  • Number of months since I last saw/spent time with him:  4
  • Number of months ago that we last discussed reconsidering marriage:  3
  • Number of months after we “officially” ended things that he got married: 3
  • Number of days ago that I closed our joint account:  2
  • Number of things left to dispose of that remind me of him:  1 pair of extremely comfy boxers]

And while the inception of this blog was a very bitter one, YOU ALL have been making it that much sweeter.

Truth of the matter is I never imagined in a million years that Adele’s hit single, Someone Like You, would become the soundtrack of my life.  Never imagined I would feel that way about anyone until… him.  (Heck, I was kinda glad to get rid of the other exes, truth be told).

I never thought I would even think about pulling an Adele, like seriously, turning up out of the blue uninvited to tell him it’s not over for you even after he is married and has already moved on?

Like get a life.  Seriously…

Better yet get a new man…

Leave him alone…

(This is how I used to think)

But… you live… you love… and sometimes you lose people that you love before death does you part.  Sometimes for reasons you can’t control and other times for reasons you caused.  And when love hurts, then songs like hers make perfect sense.

And if you’re lucky enough you can make some type of fame, fortune, success or a really good hit song out it (or in my case a blog :-D)

So as I celebrate one month of blogging here I have to celebrate you my readers, followers, fans and friends!!!baloons

THANK YOU ALL!!!!

Your support through this time has been invaluable!!! (Can’t believe people actually read this stuff.  You guys so rock for that!!!)

Now the good stuff.  Some blog stats I am proud to share (in one month’s time):

  • Number of Followers:  124
  • Number of Likes:  100
  • Number of Views:  1,076
  • Most views in one day:  88
  • Top Three Posts:
  1. Be Selfish (12 Likes)
  2. Compare Him to Other Men (9 Likes)
  3. Refuse to Be Happy (8 Likes)
  • Top Two Most Commented on Posts:
  1. About-How to Ruin Got Started:  13 comments
  2. Hang Up on Him:  7 comments
  • Top Posts my Mom Laughed the Hardest at while reading: (she could relate to them the most lol)
  1. Hang Up on Him
  2. Let Yourself Go
  • Published a total of :  21 Posts
  • Total Number of Comments:  60 (mine included :-))

(Special shout out to those nominees who so graciously responded: College Thrive, Truth’s Unveiling, Some Fabulous Chick’s Blog)

(To those nominees who are so busy being so wonderful: ThingsmyexsaidTanara McCauley, Single, Not HopelessFLAWSOME GLAMOf Fries and Men, Date Laugh Repeat, 1 Year of Single I still think you are wonderful. I’m. Still. Waiting ;-))

And like Adele, there are some things I’ll remember he said

  • In love you have to choose your battles (everything can’t be an argument).
  • Don’t be a victim (acknowledge the part you play in things and the choices you make).
  • The only thing better than being single is being with the right person and the only thing better than being with the wrong person is being single.
  • Don’t tell someone you’re leaving if you really don’t intend on leaving.

And there you have it folks.  The run down.  One month and counting for How To Ruin A Relationship… but ehh who’s counting?

#18: Don’t Get Rid of Baggage

15 Aug

Or should I say luggage?  Either way…baggage

Unresolved issues from past relationships?  From your childhood?

Haven’t let go of past hurts and disappointments?

Poor modeling from your parents’ relationship?

Daddy issues, mommy issues, sibling issues?

Issues!

My, my, my, what shall we do with all these issues?

Ok, let’s see now… Try to resolve them on your own?

No, that’s not it.

Take some sort of responsibility to lessen some of it?

Nah.

I got it!

Bright idea alert:  drag all of that into your relationship!  And hold on to them for dear life!!!
Everything every guy you have ever dated did to wrong you…

…take it out on your new guy.

Hold him responsible and make him pay for it.

After all, it is somehow his fault too right?  I guess by virtue of him being a dude.

That’s right.  “Everyone has baggage, so find someone who is willing to help you unpack,” is how the saying goes.

And since that is the case, give no thought to unpacking ANY of your own baggage.  Weigh him down and yourself down with the enormous amount of stuff that you are carrying around (fear, bitterness, anger, hurt, resentment).

Who needs to work through some of their own emotional issues when you can leave that up to the person you get into a relationship with?funny bag    Why not just subject him to all your 2,000 parts… of baggage of course.

This is sure to do oodles of good to you and your character and in turn make being around you a pleasure.

Even airplanes have a limit to the amount of weight they can carry on planes and while the first one is free, you better believe there is a price for each additional item you check.  What price do we and our relationships pay for all the (unnecessary) baggage we bring into it?

#17: Sleep In Different Beds

13 Aug

separate roomsThat’s right.

You two had an argument and can’t seem to resolve the issue?

Next best solution?

Don’t sleep together.

This is a viable solution to conflict but also serves as a form of communication.

You  want to further reinforce that you are upset, so kick him out of the room and bed altogether.

Tell him to sleep on the couch because this will let him know that…..  (know what exactly?? who’s boss???)

*Shrugs

Who cares.  You’re angry, upset, hurt, bothered and he is ready to call it a night, seemingly the least bit bothered.  You can actually leave.  You can slam the door and go to a different room in the house to catch some zzz’s.  Sleeping with your back toward him just won’t suffice.

It’s much better to go to bed angry while sleeping in different parts of the house because…  ummm…. help me out here….  kind of unsure about the reason especially given the fact that when you are single you will have no choice but to sleep alone, why start while you are still in a relationship?

Unless of course you want some practice for the upcoming lonely nights of a ruined relationship.

Okay, yes.  Do this if you want practice on how it will feel when you no longer have the option of sleeping in the same bed as your man.

This should be done as a foreshadowing of what is to come.

The more you pull this move, the better.  Because every time you sleep apart you are just making room for another woman to be sleeping next to him.