Archive | September, 2013

Blog Identify Crisis

17 Sep

As you all know, this blog was started as a result of… well you can read about it here.imagesCAJZPNE0

With me starting to work again at the top of the month, in addition to taking some Master’s classes, let’s just say the frequency with which I can post has, well, declined significantly.

I truly miss you all.

And as if that were not enough to complicate this blogging thing, my perspectives, focus, and considerations have changed considerably.  Which I am ecstatic, grateful and overjoyed about.

I honestly didn’t think I could be happy without my ex and that I would never love again.  I thought I couldn’t find happiness knowing he had moved on, and so suddenly at that.   I remember contacting him after finding out he had got married to congratulate him (oh I forgot to post that post huh?  my bad :-D).  He responded by telling me he hoped I was happy.  I remember wondering, how can I be happy when you just got married?  But I can say that at this point in my life his dealings are no longer a consideration of mine.  I really don’t even want to be identified with any thing him related nor do I want to talk about or even reference him.  There is ZERO animosity, hatred, bitterness, etc.  I just understand that I still have so much life left to live and that a life without him can also equal a life that was even better than the life I had when I was with him.  I don’t spend too much time looking back anymore and the sadness that used to consume me when I did, no longer does.

While I started this blog under the premise that I was mostly responsible for the “failure” of my last relationship, I was intent on correcting all my wrongs, in the hopes that… what?  I wouldn’t make the same mistakes again?  And there is merit to that.  I am a whole lot more cautious about how I approach relationships.  I understand that it all starts in your head- how you think about relationships and yourself.  I don’t see things falling apart as SOLELY my fault now.  Just something that happens when you are with someone you shouldn’t be with.  Things fall apart when they aren’t strong enough to last.  Things break so you can buy new things.  Even better things.  Relationships are no different.

Yet now I’m confused.

While I still have loads of content to contribute to the theme of the blog (more content than I have time to get to now), I would prefer to write about other things.  Still relationship related.  Just not “my ex” related.  Taking the advice of Oldmoaner52 (which you can read here) and writing to a more hopeful future, one that is filled with happiness (whether I’m in a relationship or not) and then also charting any new developments for me in this area of love.  <— Never thought I’d say that!!! Oh my!!!

Where do broken hearts go?  They are restored.  They heal.  They are rejuvenated.  They learn to love again.

Healing from a broken heart is a real place.  It is attainable.  And it is a wonderful feeling!

Stay tuned.

#21: Get Advice From the Wrong People

15 Sep
trust me

I do everything listed in How To Ruin a Relationship!!!

There’s no such thing as the wrong people to get advice from.  Especially when it comes to relationships.  Every one is a pro.  And since that is the case, do not be intentional about who you seek out relationship advice from.  Anyone will do.  Disregard expressions such as:  if you want what they have, do what they do.  Don’t bother to seek out people who have had success in love and relationships to ask advice of.  Who cares about their “love track record”.  Instead consider these prerequisites before proceeding to get love lessons from someone.

Checklist of qualities you should look for in people you actively seek out relationship advice from:

  • People who are single and haven’t had a relationship in a long time
  • People who hate/distrust men
  • People who subscribe to the theory that all men are the same or better yet all men are dogs
  • People who are miserable and view the glass as half empty with a broken glass that’s leaking
  • People who are jaded and don’t believe in love
  • People who have lost faith in relationships
  • People who tell you what you should do (yet they themselves don’t do it)
  • People who are secretly hating on you because you are boo-ed up and they aren’t so that all the relationship advice they give you begins and ends with:  you need to leave him girl
  • Those people who are miserable and single and want miserable, single company
  • People who do not challenge you
  • People who always take your side (even when you are wrong)

Ideally you want to keep all things relationship between the two people involved in the relationship, however, things do come up that you may need advice about.  And when that does occur continue to get advice from people whom you have listened to before and didn’t get positive results from.  The above list is the way to go.  Any one even remotely alluding to compromising, giving the other person the benefit of the doubt, or that you could stand to make some changes about your approach, should be avoided at all costs.